My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Good morning to you all. It is really cold here. Looks lovely with everything all white but brrrr...... Last night I went to dinner with Jennifer and Matt, his parents and sister. We had vegetable tempura with various dips. Followed by a mixed salad with eggs and string beans and a variety of kebabs. After a suitable break, we had a home made creme fraiche and raspberry meringue. Very nice. I didn't realise my daughter was such an adventurous cook. I am not. lol. It was good evening but I couldn't wait to leave as I realy didn't feel that well. Didn't want to worry Jennifer thiough so never told her.

Gayle,  I hope that you are feeling a little better today. Come on give me your hand, I'll help you out of the black hole.

Lynne hope you are ok. It must have been very hard for you yesterday.

To everyone else I would like to hope that you will have a reasonable day today.

I am out again tonight at a singing concert. No need to be sociable so I shall be fine.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi All

Its really cold down here .We had abit of snow yesterday,but not much.But there is still some in my back garden so it must be cold .

Well i managed to get the boys pressies sorted "thanks to the advice of Patricia", all done on amazon lol.Ive decided not to but any others this year and have sent cash to nieces nephews etc.

Well at least its only aweek and it will all be over.Ive not had time to think about things too much,but when I do its really hard.

Gayle take care of yourself xxx

Everyone else try and enjoy as much as possible xxx

Thanks Dave xxx

Dave, so glad you managed to get what you wanted. I have just been getting some stuff for my daughter but missed out on one bargain due to my tardiness. Oh well. It's only money (she says flippantly).

I have got some nice card wallets (from the £1 shop - 4 cards in pack for £1) to give money gifts to a couple of family members. 

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Hi everyone.  I expect everyone is very busy today.  I was going to stay home but after listening to the weather forecast for tomorrow have decided I need to brave the crowds and go and finish my shopping today just in case.  I haven't got much to get so I am sure it will be worth it to do it today.

I was out with work last night and stayed over at a colleagues house so we could share a taxi.  I had a nice night but we ended up at a karaoke.  They always were going to cause me a problem.  Chris was a singer for nearly 30 years so I have heard him sing most songs in his time.  I have developed a strategy for getting through them without spoiling everyone's night and bursting into tears.  I think of Chris singing them, hear him in my head and remember the fun we were having when I last heard him sing that song.  Mostly it works but last night someone decide to do American Pie - oh dear!  That was the song Chris chose for us to go into his funeral to!  I was outa there faster than a speeding bullet.  I hid in a toilet, cried then sorted myself out.  I clearly need a more comprehensive strategy!

Helen - how was your Abba night out?  Hope you had a good time.

Lynne - I hope today goes as it should.  You have done brilliantly to go all the way to the funeral by yourself.  I am proud of you and Gordon will be too.

Not long until the baby is here now Lesley - what a lovely thing to look forward to.

Judi - I am off to get my first pernguin today - although I will be avoiding the temptation to buy a 'huddle' of them!

Esme - your Olympia trip sounded like a huge adventure.  What a long night but glad you enjoyed it.

Gayle, I'm sorry you are feeling so low.  I think it is hard having small children wanting your attention at this time.  I am often grateful for my own space to think and get my head in the right place to get through Christmas.  It must be hard for you and Dave having the children to put first every time.  They will help you both make it a special time though.  I can't wait for my Grandson to get here on Christmas eve - full of excitement.  Lots of ((((((((bug higs)))))))).  I really hope you can get out of the black hole very soon.

It sounds like you had a lovely family occasion Patricia - the food sounded lovely.  Enjoy your concert tonight.

Hello to Sue, Dottee, Manda, Fiona and anyone else looking in.  I hope you are all doing okay.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx 

Hi everyone,

Ailsa glad you had a nice night apart from the karaoke.  Helen - good to hear you had a good night and bet you are looking forward to your lie in's.  Sounds like you had a good night too Patricia.  Lynne - hope you are okay as we haven't heard from you here on FB?  Let us know you are well.  Hugs to all of you.

Still not feeling much better to be honest.  I feel like a ball of wool steadily unravelling and if I didn't have the kids think I would probably lose the plot.  I feel like going out and getting very drunk or something equally stupid but can't obviously.  It all started after I visited the hospice and I just kind of lost it so I went on a date last week and this has plunged me into even deeper despair.  I hope you don't judge me badly but I am so lonely and so miss company.  Wully was ill for so very long that it has been a very long time since I have felt like a woman if you know what I mean.  So as you can imagine my head is a mess and I feel like a fraud and a failure.  It was fine but I won't be seeing him again for all different reasons.  And to top it all off I think I have killed my fish today lol.  I changed their water and they don't seem very happy at all.  Where is the nearest bridge lol (just kidding!).   Well better get on as having a good clean of the house today as busy much of the rest of the week and my family are coming to stay Xmas Eve.

Take care everyone and don't shop too much.

Gayle xx

Gayle! Penguins do NOT judge, good for you going on a date, obviously the wrong thing for you as it didn't make you feel any better but doesn't make you a bad person or anything like that.  Life, even as we have it at the moment, is for enjoying and it might have made you feel better.  Anyway just dashing off to Halfords... will explain later, but had to reply to that comment.  Love and penguin snuggles and angel hugs to you and everyone else for now xxxxxx

Gayle you are NOT a fraud and a failure. We are all experiencing this awful loneliness and I don`t blame you one bit xxxx For whatever reason `he` wasn`t meant to be but don`t let it put you off in the future. I have been chatting to someone for the last couple of weeks and it is good, nothing else but nice to have that contact. Haven`t really told anyone as like you worry that I`ll be judged but what is right? I keep asking myself that question.Answers on a postcard!!

I`ve been really feeling it this week, but just think this time next week it will be all over. Then we`ve got our get together to look forward to xx

Sorry to hear about the fish, is there a pet shop close. Quick swap?

I had a great night last night, food was lovely and Abba solutely  were fab. Will put pics on facebook later.

By the way I`ve just listened to The Pogues on the xmas countdown on the tv and I didn`t cry!!! Result!!

Bug higs to Gayle and everyone else on here. Group hug xxx

Helen xx

Hi to you all and first of all a big group "huddle" , i've tird to keep up with your posts when i could via mobile and lap top when i got the chance and thank you for all your messages of support xxx .I wasn't as traumatic as i thought it would be , i just kept reminding myself why i went . Another og Gordons cousins was there who Gordon had never met as her dad took her off to fleetwood when she was very young so she has only just met up with all the family again . It turns out she lost her lovely husband 18 months ago at the age of 45 (heart attack) so we became bessy mates straight away , everybody was amazed at how well we got on . It is amazing how you can bond with some one so quickly when they have been through the same thing . At the actual funeral Elaine read a poem out which she had done at both our husbands funeral so that was very emotional but i felt a hang go to mine and we clung on together . I'm sure our lovely men we're with us .. The rest of the day wasn't to bad , i never felt on my own because Fiona was there , we are friends for life now . We ll you knew i'd have a story to tell well oh boy ot had to happen to me didn't it . I went to bed thurs night and got up about 4 in the morning to go to the loo , well i went to open the door and it was stuck fast , so i tried it again , nothing !! , so o thought well its just a bit sticky because of the cold weather and thought if i gave it one almight pull it would open , oh no it didn't but it made that much noise that Elaine who was in the next bedroom jumped out of bed and said " Lynne areyou ok "    i said "i cant get out can you push the door " well she pushed and it still wouldn't budge so she called her husband and he cane and he pushed and shoved , eventually he had to go to the garage and get a hammer and chisel and knock a plate out of the door catch , i was never so pleased when they opened that door , i had visions of the fire brigade haveing to get me out 9lucky i had my new jim jams on lol ) Anyway me and Elaine collapsed giggleing on tio the bed , its never happened before with the door , the house is only 5 years old . Well it gave us all something to laugh about the next day , and she was tellng all the family how they had locked me in the bedroom . Everybody is convinced Gordon had a hand in it lol .

We sat round talking last night and this morning Fiona and i got on the train to Edinburgh together and then i got my train home and she got hers to Fleetwood . I have promised to go bzack to Scotland the next time she goes up , next time it will be a happy occasion i hope

I'll go and a proper catch up now , sorry some of you are having it rough and well done to the ones who are getting on with the shopping and cards i really do need to get my butt in gear now .

Lynne xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh Lynne!!!! These things see you coming!     Had to laugh, though - could just imagine you there in the middle of the night - who else would have become stuck???? Did you get to the loo in time????

soooo lovely that you've met a new friend - coincidence? Think not.

Here's a t-shirt for you for christmas!!

Glad it all went ok - you're no longer a scared lady, you're a brave lady.

sue xx

Ha ha thanks Sue , yes i made it in time ,, just lol . Love the t shirt I WANT ONE , yes how much of a coincidence was that ? I'll put some pics on face bokk tommorow xxxxxxxxxxx