My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello ladies & Dave

Thinking of you all.  Feeling very low at the moment and have fell down that big black hole.  At least its helping my diet as I have barely slept or eaten in a week.  What a mess I feel I am making of everything.  

Thinking of you today Lynne, Helen sorry you are low too but I am sure you will get everything done.  Alisa, well done on the cards.  Dottee, glad Alan is had a little life, Patricia, Judi, Lesley, Amanda, Sue and everyone else hope your weekends are okay.

Gayle x

Gayle (((((((((((((((((((((BIG GENTLE HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))) for you today and here is a rope ladder for you to climb out of that black hole. I am here to take your hand and help you climb back over the edge. You are NOT making a mess of things, you are just in a very difficult place right now and the time of year with all the festivities does not help. Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Dear gayle

we all know the black holes! We're also all here to throw you a lifeline when you need it; come and rant, rave, cry, whatever.   We understand.

Sue xx

well, Helen, we got there - limped towards the finish line, and sent the children home for 2 weeks.

Yee -hah.

have been waiting so long for this - now i'm not quite sure what to do next!!

xxx

    enjoy!

Hi Sue

Yes we`ve done it!! Feel a bit like you though, been wanting to finish but now I`m not so sure?? Had a few tears with all the hugs and Xmas wishes from other staff but home now and ready to try and get through it the best I can. Roll on 1st Jan lol xxx

Looking forward to tonight, should be good

Helen xxx

Gayle, sorry to feel you`re in the dreaded black hole at the moment. Think it`s the anticipation of everything, we`ll all get through it one way or another xxx

Lynne, hope today goes ok, was laughing at the mad woman running round the station. Could just imagine it lol xxx

Hope everyone else has a good Friday night, will have a drink and a dance for you all tonight.

Helen xxx

Gayle you aren't making a mess of anything, it just seems like it to you.  Every now and then I leap over the ledge, sit at the bottom kicking and wailing and declare to the world I have made a mess of everything, I'm no good, can't cope and feel totally useless - so of course this means it must be yet another symptom of bereavement I suppose and one we have to go through.  It's blooming hard though and I just feel like after all these years I've suddenly been forced to "grow up" and cope alone and I don't want to! Try and eat a bit, I know you don't feel like it and it doesn't feel like it matters but a little every so often will help you find the strength to cope, then also to help you sleep.  You're doing great little penguin, come into the huddle xxx  Patricia xxxx you are a lovely angel of a friend xxxxx

Dot hope Alan is feeling a little better tonight, big hugs for both of you. Dave - hello, did you get the snow?  I haven't got my notepad with me so will send a huge hug and kiss to you all, those that have just finished for the holidays try and enjoy the break all too soon you will be back with bored children, grotty weather, more swine flu and bugs..... oh to breath the fresh air of home!

We went to Olympia yesteday, which was lovely but I stupidly nearly cried all over the place when we took our seats, it was a wonderful view, just below the royal box so straight in line with everything and close to all the action - my instant reaction was to take a photo with my phone to send to Steve to show him how lucky we were with the seats, of course instantly followed by the dreaded sinking feeling as realisation hit home again.  Bit my lip so hard I'm surprised it hasn't ulcerated today, but held on and enjoyed the perfomrances.  The evening finished at 10.15 and then we had to fight for trains, got back to Gatwick just after midnight and then had an awful drive through the falling snow for 1 1/2 hours - it should have been only 1/2 hour - but got home safely and fell into bed by 1/4 to 3, so very tired today.  Lots and lots of snow here, the dogs think it's amazing and played madly, which was good and wore them out, Sam took a photo of Steve's memorial stone in the gazebo garden, all covered with snow, will try and get it on Facebook.

Got to go, mother in law on the phone, hope you are all ok, love and penguin hugs xxxxxxxx

Evening all - this particular penguin feels as if she has actually moved to the North Pole!!!  It is so cold  - down to -2 C already!!! brrrr-rrrr-rr-rrr!!!!!!!  Ah well will have to do my exercises more vigourously to warm up...can't think of anything else to do can you???????

Gayle I'm sending you a ((((((((((gentle hug))))))) to comfort you just now.  I've been teetering on the edge but our fellow penguins held onto me and kept me upright - let us do the same for you!!!  I'll shuffle off a bit out of the middle - your turn for the cossetting flipping flappers flapping flippers methinks!!!!

Sue - can't think of what to do???  How about immersing yourself in a glass of something festive and relaxing for the evening????  More ((((((((hugs))))))))) on their way to you my friend.......

Helen - out for the evening - enjoy yourself and have a tipple (or two) for us too!!!!  Lynne - I hope that all is well with you in Scotland...... ((((hugs)))))  for you - think you need them too  xxx

Esme - dogs are just big kids in fur coats!!!!  All my dogs have loved to frolic in the snow....... Although Ellie-dog is now getting a bit old and arthriticky (sp?) - she's 10 years but thinks she's 10 months............ Until the cold gets into her bones!!!  (((((hugs))))) for you too.........

Sorry if I've missed anyone - here's a BIG (((((((((((GROUP HUG))))))))))))) for us all to share  Dot xxxxxxx

Dear Rosemary

thank you SO much for the parcel -- hugely appreciated, and will be delivered on monday. you are a star.

sue xx

Hi all,

Firstly - I had the urge to find out the collective noun for penguins and, funnily enough, it appears it is not as straightforward as it sounds!!  there seems to be five accepted words:-

a colony - yes I thought that might be it, a rookery - not really sure I like that one, a creche!! - I don't know what to say about that!, a parcel - curious ........ and finally ..... and I think definitely the best .... a HUDDLE of penguins.  That has to be the one surely.

Anyway, it is quite late, so I think that it will be best if tomorrow I read through everyones posts so I can say a meaningful hi to everyone.

Gayle and Lynne - hope that someone gave you both a squeeze today. 

To everyone else - speak tomorrow.  Loads and loads of love Judi xx