My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Good morning everyone.  No - I am not home yet and really should be packing up ready for the drive from Bracknell back up to 'where there be dragons'!  Just wanted to send my love to Sue & Helen for yesterday and also to welcome Tarnie to our wonderful little group.  Have a great time Lynne and I am so excited to read about the arrival of your grandson Fiona.  Will log on when I get home.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Hello Tarnie, so sorry for your deep sadness. I am sure that you and your daughters are completely devastated. As has already been said, you are very welcome on this thread but sorry that you find yourself posting here.  We will try to help you to cope with the roller coaster ride along a long and rocky road.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Dear Tarnie,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, and the dreadful exhausting week leading up to it. To go through this once is bad enough, but you, you poor lady are going through this for the second time. I really feel for you and your daughters. Stay strong, Heartfelt wishes, Yvonne xx

Hello Everyone,

Just wanted to say thank you for your messages of support. These really have helped me a lot and kept me together over the last 9 weeks. I still feel very lonely and down, but know I'm getting stronger - and a lot of that is down to you lovely people. Its great to catch up with you all, and reading your messages and seeing your great pics, always cheer me up. Thank you. I look forward to talking with you all a lot more.

With Love, Yvonne xx

Evening everyone

Tarnie I think we have spoken before, so sorry to hear you`re here but welcome to our lovely group.

Yvonne glad you`re feeling stronger xxx

Lynne sounds like she is enjoying some hot weather already xxx

Judi so glad boy is coming home for a while xxx

Thank you again for all your thoughts yesterday, it really did help((()))

Dave how has your day been? Are you getting all this awful weather?

Amanda it`s my turn for Natalie`s 16th birthday tomorrow. If you and Hayley can do it we can. Paul`s mum is making her a birthday cake....big chocolate eclairs in the shape of a 1 and a 6. Yum, yum xx

Off to make tea, hope everyone is ok

Helen xxx

Hi everyone.

Hope the drive home went/goes okay Ailsa, just watch the weather.  Touch wood, we have not been too bad up here this time.  Helen the cakes sound yummy - make sure that you leave some for Nat! 

Boy has phoned and has got his ticket, which for him is good going!  For a very bright boy he can be exceptionally daft and before now has booked a ticket home from Edinburgh ...... when he lives in Glasgow!!  I am SOOOOOO looking forward to seeing him.  But have only insisted that I get a massive hug and then he is to go out and see his friends here.  Only working Wednesday morning, so know full well he will still be sleeping when I get home Wed lunchtime! DVDs, snacks, fire on and a lazy afternoon on the sofa watching movies together while he fills me in on uni life.... bliss.

Dave, Helen will tell you that my footballing knowledge is sadly lacking .. but I hope you enjoyed the  match!  I have been looking too, and yes I think Lynne has managed to score some sunshine, I do hope so.

Still haven't found anywhere to go and work at the weekends yet!!  Am seriously considering putting on a white blouse, a black skirt and on Christmas Day just casually wandering into the nice hotel near me and just start taking orders and serving food ...... do you think anyone will ask any questions or throw me out if I just keep my head down and work!  Make the day not so daunting.  I am sure any judge would look favourably on me if found out.   "So let me understand - she came in and worked (very efficiently of course!) - she did not insist on any payment, helped clear up and then went home"  "Yes your honor" -- "Case dismissed"

Love to all - Judi xxx

Hello everyone,

I have missed you all loads.  Still no internet and back at work today, although the BT guy phoned me this morning to say it is all fixed so fingers crossed when I get home tomorrow from work it will be all go!

I have been trying to catch up with the posts today but hopefully will be back full time with you all tomorrow.

Helen, glad your day went as well as expected and you now have a special place to go.  Fiona, huge congratulations!!!! Bet you are just the proudest granny!!  I can't wait to see the pics.  Hugs to everyone else and to the new people who have sadly found themselves here.

I have had a pretty rubbish week, mainly with not having my broadband I think as I feel so lonely at night when I could come on here before and that would always cheer me up.  I watched the concert on Thursday night and that just opened the flood gates and made me feel so much sadder and miss Wully so much more.  The song "run" by leona lewis / Snow Patrol was a special song to us as Wully always hated being away from me so I bought it for him as the line goes something like "even though you can't hear my voice I will be right beside you".  Wully's nephew had the line tattooed on his back after he died.  I think that is what started me.  I have been very angry all week too.  Not at anything in particular just everything - poor kids they probably bear the brunt of it.  I hope this feeling passes as I hate it.

Anyway, I better go as still at work and about to head off to my hotel.

Big hugs to everyone and hopefully I can catch up with you all properly soon.

Gayle xx

Hello everyone.  I am home safely now.  Been very busy since getting here but could not go to bed without checking in.  Sorry I posted so briefly earlier so that I really didn't say a proper hello to Yvonne and Tarnie.  You have been through such a lot.  I hope that somehow you are both okay.  Please keep posting on here as there is so much support.  Tarnie I hope you have been able to get some rest.

Next - get this out of the way - such an anti-climax after my big build up - I missed my sisters wedding.  I am very upset about it but far worse things happen.  Basically I mentioned that I was concerned for how my eldest daughter was coping with losing her Dad and being so far away from us 3.  As I suspected, not well at all.  She is more cross and stressed than I have ever seen her.  She has an answer and an opinion on everything.  I wanted to leave Bracknell at 11am on Saturday.  Becky insisted 12 was early enough and then wasn't ready until 12:30.  We got caught in Twickenham traffic (England rugby match) and only got to our hotel at 3:50pm.  Wedding was at 4:30pm.  Got my son ready and sent him ahead so he caught the last 10 mins.  The girls & I got there at 5:30pm.  I feel stupid and angry but I can't take it out on Becky anymore because she is not a happy daughter as it is.  She is coming to see me again next week and knows it was her fault I missed my sister's wedding but I am not prepared to 'beat' her up anymore about it as I am already worried about her.  On a happier note, the hotel where they married was wonderful, the food was even better.  I danced with my sisters - once Shona forgave me and had a lovely time.  I feel really sad I missed it.  I will load some photos tomorrow.  The weather was awful but the whole thing was indoor so that didn't matter.  Shona looked lovely.  Anyway, enough of that.

Sue I was really pleased to read that you had a nice day with your family on Sunday for such a meaningful day.

Helen - I hope Natalie is okay for her birthday tomorrow.  I looked at the photos of Pauls special place on FB.  It looks like a peaceful setting and I am so glad the rain subsided in time for the service.  Liam did so well.  I read you other posts about your night out and the sick lady and totally brash man.  You did so well to cope with both.

Dave, I hope you & Freddie are feeling a bit better.  It is lovely that Nic's work want to organise a bench in her honour.  I can't wait to get to Chris's bench tomorrow for some quiet time with him.

Congratulations again Granny Fiona.  Hello to Charlie Derek.  How is Kim?

I am so pleased that Boy is coming home to see you tomorrow Judi.  Enjoy - I love boys - so much less work than girls.  My sister paid tribute to Chris during the speaches on Saturday.  She had asked my permission to mention him and she did a great job but it made my legs wobble.  Stu was there for me and gave me a big kiss while Shona was talking.  The girls linked with me on either side.  Good job I had them to prop me up realy although I think I might have been helping them too.

I hope Lynne is having a great time.

Good evening Patricia, Esme, Dot & Quill.  I hope you are all well.

I am sorry you are feeling down Gayle.  I really hope you are back on line properly very soon as we have February to plan.

It's getting late and this is far too long a post.  I hope you are all okay tonight.  Take care.  Ailsa xx

Sorry - I was going to say I am still giggling at Judi just turning up for work at a hotel - I am sure it is worth a go but I think folk might think you have lost it.  Ailsa xx

Hi Everyone, Sorry not been posting but never stopped it's hard work being a granny, Charlie and Kim doing fine just back in from seeing them. Went out this morning to see them before work and Kim  and me had a good cry, she just wishes her dad was still here to see him, and i wish i had him here to share the wonderful experience.   Helen glad you and your family got through Sun, and hope your daughter has a good birthday. Dave hope you and boys are feeling better now, there seems to be a lot of bugs going about the swine flu is now in our area and lots of school kids got it. Ailsa sorry to hear you missed your sisters wedding, Gayle hope you get connected soon, i would be lost without my laptop and internet although when Derek was still here i never looked at it how time changes. Judi having a laugh to myself about you thinking about wandering into a hotel and starting work.Tarnie welcome to this lovely group and thinking about you at this sad time keep posting as it has got me through this last 11months. Hope Lynne is having a nice time on her hols at least the weather c an't be as bad as we are having just now it has to be even worse tomorrow soon need a boat to get to work. Hope everyone else is doing ok as i have had a lot of post to catch up on and i forget half of the stuff i have read when its time for me to post. I will try and get Kim to help me soon to post some photos of baby Charlie soon. Luv and Hugs to you all Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Fiona.  It is lovely to hear some more about Charlie.  I can't wait to see some photos.  Derek will be so proud of all three of you.

I am still working on coaxing my daughter through the trauma of the weekend but she is communicating with me as we exchanged a few emails today.  It is hard not to worry about her when she is so far away.  I will be a whole lot happier when she arrives here at the weekend.

I went for a sit on the new bench on the way home from work today.  Have a good evening everyone.  Ailsa xx