My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Oh Judi, you are so outrageous. I love it. 

I read all sorts of stuff too when I can get my brain to concentrate. I have just read a kids book and it was a bit wierd I thought. Oh well, maybe it is just me. 

Helen, I am not  a football fan but hope your team do ok.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Hi All , Just catching up after just getting back in , i'll tell you where i've been in a second . Patricia , i have to ut bin bags on my feet now as its so muddy in places at the cemmy , but you would have al laughed as i did a "typical lynne" thing the other day . I got out my car , got the bin bags and then sat on the bench to put  my "bags "  on , ah lovely i got the wettest bum ever off the bench , i jumped up and then whilst i was jumping about with my wet bum i got sludge all up my trousers ,  oh well my blanket goes onthe bench first now , roll on the summer lol. Helen you go for it , its a night out with good friends , you go and enjoy yourself xx. Judi i'm glad you liked Benidorm , i love it but i think its finishing soon , what am i going to watch on a fri night then . Talking of Benidorm my big sis is going back on monday with her husband , just mon to fri again , i'm so envious lol . Jean welcome to the thread no one wants to join , but we have no choice , but the support you'll get surpasses anything anyone else can give , please keep posting , these early days are so bad , this thread was the only thing that kept me going xx

Well i've been to have a private reading off a well known locally medium , i,ve seen her before , but not privately . My daughter came too and Ireane picked up on straight away that i'd lost a husband , and she proceded to tell me so many things that wasn't just general , i sat with my mouth open . I dont think i could write it all down my fingers wont type fast enough , but the one thing i did take comfort in was , i had always felt guilty about when Gordon was in hospital , i knew he didn't want fuss , i know that might sound strange , but when my mum died we we,re (sisters dad brother , and many of her grand children ) with her 24/7 for the last 10 days and Gordon said , if anything happened to him he would like to do it quietly , with no fuss , but when it came to it , everything happened so fast and obviously his daughters and sister wanted to be with him , but sometimes , brother in law and Step daughters b/friends would be there plus my kids wanted to see me and as i didn't leave the hospital for 6 days they would come too to offer support , and i couldn't tell them to go without upsetting everybody . When Gordon actually died there was only me s/daughters and his sister , which is how it should have been but i've always felt guilty that i wasn't strong enough to "keep it quiet " . But Ireane said i hadn't got to feel guilty as sometimes people say what they want without realising that other people need to be there , and she also told my daughter to stop feeling guilty because she wasn't there (i didn't know she did ) she said she knew she wouldn't be able to bear to watch Gordons pain and mine , poor thing i never knew that . That might not have made much sense but i know what i mean .. She said he will be waithing for me when i go (which wont be yet ) and although i will have a "man freind " i will never marry again , i could have told her that lol. She also said i was deffinately moving house (its all thats in my head at the moment ) There was lots of thngs that she couldn't have guessed at , and she told my daughter there is a baby next year , theyve just started trying so i hope thats true .

Anyway enough of my little saga , has anyone else had private readings .

Anither hug for Fiona(((((((((((hug ))))))))))))

Take care Lynne xxxxxxxxx

I was talking to my work colleague about mediums today, would love to go and see one. Glad it was meaningful for you xxx I went years ago after my dad died but didn`t get much.

Will have to go to one!!

Helen xxx

YEs she was good Helen , she mentioned the garden i'd done and said Gordon was laughing as he was suprised i'd done it , She also mentioned that my daughter always puts lillies in the same vase at the grave and thats just what she does . She just kept saying aswell how n much love she could feel from him for me so that was good to hear .

Lynne xx

As you can see - book not doing it tonight.  Lynne, I am glad that there were things that you heard that comforted you.  Always so many things we think we should have done better or different, so I am happy that some of those were put to rest.

I saw a medium, probably too soon, but a friend had an appointment booked months in advance and then couldn't go and offered it to me.  I have a tape of the reading - I am not absolutely sure what I think, but I do know that I came away feeling quite calm are reassured. 

Much of it was the lady chatting and saying names, when I listened afterwards over 70% of the names made sense.  She did, however just 'know' that I had lost my partner.  The 'oddest' bit was when she suddenly turned and in a warm, definite, loving voice just said "ED" and then "soulmate"  and then nodded.  She (not in a negative way) told me that I was completely lost and was just trying to get through the days.  It wasn't that she couldn't tell me anything specific about the future or anything, she just felt that I was struggling to find my way so much that I should just look after myself and not try to do anything else at all yet.  She kept telling me that when Ed was near her she felt the most amazing warmth and that he was in the the light and felt free.  Many of the tiny things she commented on about family and names etc were correct.  I remember as I was leaving she asked about horses - it meant nothing at all to me and she then said 'maybe he saw them on his way to work' which seemed a bizarre thing to say to me.  However I was telling my friend (old boss) who is very into angels etc and who adored Ed, and she quietly told me that her and Ed had had a conversation about the horses that he used to see in the field every day when he used to drive to work.  She also told me that she had been feeling, very strongly, that Ed was 'free' now, not so much from the pain of his illness but much more from the darkness/slight depression that he occasionally suffered from and the medium's comments, for her, confirmed that . So all in all, I felt quite good about it.

My only concern is that I think it would be very easy to want to go all the time, so I decided that I would definitely wait at least six months before I even considered going again. 

Have any of you seen the film, Truly, Madly, Deeply?  I have a very 'weird' story about that film that I will tell you one day.  Not many of my friends understand why I find it so weird, but I think you guys would.

Love Judes xxxx

Oh Lynne, trust you to wet yourt pants lol. why not lay a bin liner on the bench too when it is wet. It would save your blanket from getting wet.  I hope you found the reading comforting.  I saw a spiritualist after mum died. I just went to a meeting and was most surprised when hew came and stood by me. I won't go into the whole thing but he did say that i was to let go of the guilt |I had been c arrying for over a year and that i had done the right thing.  I think that referred to the doctors wanted to stop treatment and me agreeing for them to do that. I have always felt so guilty about that (and still do) even though I knew it was for her benefit.  I am considering a private reading at some time in the not too distant future but not 100% sure it would be of any benefit to me.

Judi, don't make us wait too long to hear about the film incident.

Anyway, take care all. Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Maybe a wet suit for Lynne for the rainy season we seem to be having.  Am off to bed after a quick trip round the block with the dogs.  Patricia, it is not a case of me not wanting to tell, just that I think I post so much and so long that people must think - 'give it a rest Judes, let someone else type would you!!'

Night, night all - Judi xx

Morning all - just having a quick visit to send love and (((hugs))) to you all.  I've seen your posts about reading and one thing I've found with working in a library is that you find 'different' authors that you may not notice (not that there's time to read on the job).  Have any of you read books by Janet Evanovitch???  Her heroine 'Stephanie Plum' is a hoot and I'm always laughing out loud at her antics.............much to Alan's annoyance!!  The first book is called 'One for the Money' and there's about 13 or 14 in the series so far!!!! I've read them all and can't wait for another to come out.  I've just finished reading a book called 'The Flood' by David Maine - about Noah and the Ark......based on the Bible story - and I found this also quite funny and irreverent!!!!  So much for my 'quick visit'....I love reading anything and everything.........Corn Flakes packets will do if nothing else is available!!!!  Love and more ((((((hugs)))))) for you all Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Good morning everyone.  I didn't get a chance to come on here again last night and really missed it.  As if to tell me so - my daughter phoned just before 10 and said she had been waiting for me to come on line but as I hadn't she had to phone instead!  I am still painting furiously.  My son and the joiner are coming to do their bits on Monday so I have a deadline to get the things that need to be done first, done.  The last thing I need is another deadline to stress me but I want this done so needs must.

A special good morning to Jean.  I am so sorry you find yourself here but please post again.  Just as the others have said - I don't know what I would do without the support from my friends here.  Those who have tried counselling have said that they get far more from the friendship and support here.  We will all be there for you as well.  You must take each day just one at a time and accept any offers of help.  Take care of yourself xx

Helen - I wanted to add my vote to the 'go' pile.  I know what you are thinking as I worried after the joiner visited my house twice but that isn't important and I am sure those feelings are very normal.  You know the score and friendships are far more important.  Go along with your neighbour and enjoy meeting your friends.

Judi - your post about us all meeting at Patricia's conjured up such a vision for me and had me giggling.  You have us all sussed!  I would love to hear the film tale when you are ready.  Please don't worry about long posts.  When I have been busy I tend to come on here and post a rather long message.  Sometimes it just straightens my head out.  Then I click 'post' and see how long it is and panic.  Everyone's different way of posting helps us to feel we know each other better and it's nice x

Patricia it sounds like the advice from your support group is very good about thinking about yourself for a change but I know how hard that is.  I have no idea whether I am as caring a person as you certainly are - it shines through in your posts - but speaking only about the situation we are all in, I worry about other people's feelings all the time and bottle a lot of mine up as a result.  Try to take their advice even if it is only in a small way.  I am sorry you had such a bad day on Wednesday.  I hope today is better.

Fiona I was so sorry to read about Scooby.  Nothing I say will ease your pain.  I was devastated when I had to make the same decision about my 18yr old dog a couple of year ago.  I still haven't got over that enough to have another even though I would love the company x 

Lynne - another idea about sitting on the bench in the wet - I have a picnic blanket that is waterproof on one side - I think you can get them from garages!  Still no sign of my bench.  I am glad about the news from the Halifax.  I am glad you enjoyed the visit to the medium.  I am scared to go in case they can't tell me anything if that makes sense?

Sue - I can't edit either.  How are you?

I will have to try to catch up with Gayle on FB tonight - see how she is settling in.

Best get ready for work.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa x

Good morning Dot - hope you and Alan are well.  Ailsa xx