My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

so true lynne,  I feel so silly when i just cry for no apparent reason.  My m-i-l is not actually a support to me, I am her support.  I feel resposible for her but need to give myself time too.  I also have my dad who is still grieving for mum but getting on with things as only an octagenarian can lol. See, I do know some long words don't I? lol

Oh just to say, work was much better last night as we all worked as a team and things went so much smoother.  Not in again now until Monday so hoping that too will be a good night.

Love x x Patricia x x   p.s it has just taken three atempts to get my name right lol

Night Fiona x x

Night Helen , hope your ok xx. I cant believe how close our paths are running Patrica , i too have to look after dad who is still grieving for my mum , we lost her in april 2008 , he's still as bad now as he was then , but he has had a lot to deal with aswell , he's had a major op , it cant be easy being 81 now . Sorry the long word went over my head , i'll have to look that one up lol

Lynne xxx

Ha Ha got it Patricia , seems my dad  is one too xx

LOL Lynne, just trying to get your brain working. Sorry your dad is having such a hard time. (and you too of course). It is so easy to be dismissive of an older person's grief because we expect our elders to pass before us.  However, we should actually be more supportive as they have lost their lifelong partners in most cases and must feel as though their life too has ended. My dad is doing really well outwardly, but I see the heartbreak underneath it all.  I will never ever forget the day mum died (March 2007)because it is the one and only time I have ever seen my dad cry. I know he does though because he as much as told me that he does.

Well I am goin gto bed now to try to sleep (that's a laugh).

Good night and God bless x x Patricia x x

Hi Ladies,

Just a quick one before I go and take the boys to the grandparents.  Patricia - thinking of you today and hope it goes okay.  We are all beside you and so is Ray.

I know what you mean about older people grieving.  My aunt died last year (almost to the day that Wully died) and her and my uncle were very close and didn't have any children.  I was close to both of them and still am close to my uncle as he lives next door to my mum and dad so he loves spending time with the boys.  On the day of my aunts funeral the boys came to the wake afterwards and ran straight up to him and of course he had his pockets stuffed with sweets for them.  I found that very touching as when he was getting ready before the funeral he must have been thinking of them and put the sweets in then.  It was obviously a huge help to him to have them their as they broke the ice so to speak.  Wully's funeral was the day after her first anniversay so he was in pieces for me and for him and it was so sad.  In some ways I think this will be harder for him as he is elderly and they were both retired and spent all their time together doing little bus trips etc.  What has he now?  At least I have the kids and my work etc but he just has the same routine every day but minus the love of his life.  Last christmas he stayed home alone but this year I have insisted that he has to come and spend it with the boys as it is my first christmas alone so I need him there.

Well that turned into a long ramble!!!

Have a good Saturday everyone.

Gayle xx

morning, all you lovely ladies and kev, wherever he may be (Devon again??)

had a better  night's sleep last night so feel a bit more prepared to face the world today.

had a lovely evening with my two girlies - helen cooked a yummy tea then we slobbed in front of strictly . just right for a friday night.

gayle, good luck with the sorting and packing - just try to shut the emotional side of it off (yeh, right!) and go for it.

Patricia, loads of hugs for you today - ray isn't far away, and never will be.

lynne, hope you've recovered - I thought of you last night when I was at the cemetery-   it is a comfort, isn't it; i always go there when i'm stressed. Guess what -  they've put a bench in just near Alan's special place, so I must go and look for the sleeping bag..............

helen, are you going to be driving far in the new car this weekend/ Or are you just going to wash and polish the life out of it? When I wash the mondes, i can't reach the middle of the roof, so it ends up as a silvery blue with a mud coloured go-faster stripe.......................  attractive! not....

Kaz, I so hope you're OK; I know you've been to the dark place and I hope there's a glimmering of light at the end of the tunnel. Please let us know you're still living in our cyber house...

ailsa, remember you are going to CHILL this weekend, ably assisted by a glass or two of your choice, I suspect.

Debs, Judi, all my other dear friends, have a good weekend, will be around later - have a good day

sue x

Morning everyone.

I have just come in from taking the dogs for a long walk, I wasn't going to but the sun is shining and it is warm so I just kept walking - is was quite nice really.

Just caught up with everyone's news.  Patricia - just you cherish yourself today - we are all thinking about you and are sending hugs.  I managed to undercoat all three shelves, two for me and one for you!  Second coat today - I will have to do it because (I am ashamed to say) I just clingfilmed the brushes rather than washing them out.  Ed would have had a fit - he was meticulous about DIY and preparation etc.

Had a difficult phone call from my sister yesterday afternoon - she recently broke her kneecap (works at a school and tripped over a pupil!!) Anyway she phoned for a chat - she has recently got back with her husband (very, very, very long story - suffice to say I don't think I will every really like him or trust him again) and she suddenly said "Have a quick chat with him ... "  I had to say - "no thanks, not today" which I don't think she was very happy about - but I just couldn't do it.  They split up long before Ed died and I couldn't face having him express his sympathies.  Not very nice of me I know, but by now I had tears streaming down my face and really didn't want him trying to 'cheer me up'.  Ah well, will smooth ruffled feathers next phone call.

However, then went round to friend's house for the evening and it was just what was needed.  She hugged me, passed me a glass of wine and then proceeded to make me laugh with tales from her work. 

Wash the car - am I supposed to do that now???? I thought that was why it was that beigey colour, so that you don't notice the dirt.  Lynne, very proud of you for going away, for doing your best to enjoy it, for managing to come home and start right back into everything.  

I don't have anything really planned for this weekend, so please could everybody keep posting all weekend so that I can enjoy reading about my cyber friends lives!  You make me smile (and cry) and keep me going. 

Judi xx

Hi everyone.  What a gorgeous day it is here - I hope it is for the rest of yu as well.

I am doing my own brand of chilling Sue - I have done a lot of jobs but I had a really steady start this morning and watched some TV until about 10.  I bottomed my conservatory yesterday afternoon and I have done the garden this morning.  I am going to have a rest now and then a shower and nip to the cemetery for a chat to my best friend.  I took my gazebo down this morning and put it away for the winter!!

I hope you are doing okay today Patricia - lots of hugs((()))xx.

It sounds like you did the right thing to go with your feelings Judi when you were talking to your sister.  One of my brothers is going through a messy split right now.  He was going to bring his almost ex to my sisters 25th anniversary do last weekend.  Fortunately she declined the invite.  My current state of mind and complete intolerance for all things petty would have made it difficult for me not to just leave if she had been there.  I was more annoyed that my brother thought it was a good idea to invite her.

I'm sorry you are still not sleeping well Fiona.  Reading about your elderly fathers, Lynne & Patricia, made me cry.  It must be very difficult for older people in a different way to how difficult all this is for us who are trying to work, look after children etc.

Well - I had better get my head down for an hour or I will not be any use when my son comes round tonight.  I've just been asked out for my lunch tomorrow so that is nice.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx

Afternoon

It isn`t gorgeous here Ailsa, really grey but dry. The air show is here this weekend so lots of planes flying low over head!!

Sue I`m not going far but have been out and about in my car!! All paperwork sorted and insurance done.

Thinking about cutting the grass, need to get off here then don`t I lol!!!!!

X factor and a glass of wine tonight I think. Got a nice tea for me and daughter - Tesco finest - just stick it in the oven!!! Son is working after he gets back from the match - Liverpool are winning at the moment!!!!

Also been to my mum and dad`s grave (it was my dad`s birthday last week) Thought of Lynne asleep by Gordon`s while I was there!! The base from the children`s `DAD` flowers was still on the grave (we took them there after Paul`s funeral rather than just leave them at the crem, the rest of the flowers went to the hospice for their table posies. The cemetery is usualy kept so well I was surprised to see it still there so I tidied up and left a nice arrangement in the vase.

We haven`t buried Paul`s ashes yet, if you remember we had been given the go ahead and I have chosen the casket. Well, we were just waiting to hear back from the vicar about a date and the poor thing had a heart attack and died suddenly. Very sad I know and I suppose I sound a bit mean but I really just want to get Paul`s ashes and have somewhere to take some flowers. This will obviously hold everything up until a new vicar is arranged.

Patricia hope today has been ok, been thinking of you xxx Gayle must be lost in the garage with boxes!! Speak to us Kaz!! Let us know you`re ok, have a moan to us if need be, might make you feel better xxx

Hope everyone else is having an ok Saturday

Helen xxx