Mornings are the worst

Hello!

Its not the sleeping bit that bothers me I'm ok with that now- I think! In the beginning my sleep patterns were all over the place but I'm sure I've got myself into a routine. Its the actual getting out of bed in the mornings. Even 3 years in and I still sometimes dread getting up in the mornings just to face virtually nothing. I have a couple of days I now go and look after my little granddaughters as my son and daughter in law work different shifts and they cross over sometimes so that gets me up early but its the inbetween, and not knowing what to do with yourself and as you say JP with the darker nights coming in that will make it worse and the days more shorter am starting to feel it now with all the kids back at school now there seems to be less people around and its usually the autumn/winter months you don't see many people with the longer nights and shorter days. I used to like this time of year it was the signal that Christmas was getting nearer and Jay and I would just cosy up in our PJs and watch rubbish TV at night but now the shorter days and longer nights for me just emphasise more of how much you are on your own and as you say too if the weather is bad you don't want to go out anywhere. So many things you miss being a widow.

Hi

I just wanted to say that 4 weeks is very early days my husband passed 8 months ago and it’s not easier but is definitely better, to be honest the first few months were a bit of a blur full of pain and anxiousness I was shocked at the physical symptoms of grief, starting a new day without them is always hard but I think you are doing the right things by taking a walk and getting outside it really does help.  I think you will find all of us on here have the same feelings at some point or another.

I am not an expert but I have dealt with anxiety through the years don’t let it get on top of you make sure you speak to someone about it even if it’s just a trusted friend, if it gets too much speak to your GP, it a hard road ahead and anything you can do to help navigate it is a bonus in my book, I am sorry for your loss this isn’t the best club to be a member of. Take one thing, day, hour at a time is the best advice and be kind to yourself.

Vicki

All of it sucks. Life can be so bloody cruel. Going to bed, is worse for me. Not having my husband next to me at night is the hardest. I still only sleep on one side of the bed, and have a soft blanket to hug. I chat to him most nights, sometimes this can help settle me. At other times, I get up and make a cup of tea. It is just over 2 years for me. I probably sound a bit loopy, but I will take comfort where I can. 

You're not `loopy` Kate. I still feel it. I want to feel different now but I don't if that makes sense. I have had one s**t week so far and its times like this when I want Jay to be here and tell me everything is going to be ok instead of having to navigate things on my own just a random week for things breaking and not working out but just seems to emphasised now that he is not here and as I said in my previous post I think it is the changing season as well everything starts to go at a different pace coming into autumn/winter but you just feel stuck. Yep you and JP are right. Everything just sucks. 

When I go to sleep I have my wife's pillow by the side of me to cuddle. 

I've noticed that when things go wrong or something needs fixing, it's more of a struggle. I would probably be the one to sort it out anyway,  but feels so much harder when doing them just for me. It's not just that I miss her, it's that I miss doing things for her/us.

I simply stay in bed in the early morning: now I'm retired and the children aren't living at home, I don't need to get up. So I don't: I snuggle under the duvet and feel warm and comfortable until I'm ready to get up (usually around nine or ten). But then, I find I have to stay up until very late in the evening so I can get to sleep, so my schedule has basically changed. Yes, mornings are sh*t. So are evenings. And afternoons aren't any better. Being in nature does help though.

Mornings ,noon and evening are all just Crap without my Hubby. Yes waking up in the mornings is horrible. I often wake up at 2 am and can't get to sleep for hours. Then when I need to get up to see to the 4 dogs ,I just cry. Having to face yet another day without him. His image is in my head constantly. And I just want to hold him. But he's not here and never will be again. The finality is painful. I feel a little better sometimes after I've walked the dogs . If I sit down I can fall asleep. But there is such a lot I need to do ,its a waste of time . I've just about finished decorating the teeny guest room. I need to sort out the stuff that can go back in there, but I feel I've burned myself out over the last few weeks and I'm tired. When its dry outdoors I try to get something done at the back of the house where I've been clearing it in order to put a lawn down for the dogs. But the weather has been so unpredictable that I can't complete much before it rains. I know I'm trying to avoid thinking about what I've lost,but it really is too much at times. Once I sit down the evening Grief catches up with me. And I cry a lot. I still feel the Anxiety coming in waves and take my trusty Valerian to calm my nervous system. Especially if I have to go to the shops. I worry that one day I'm going to have a melt down in a shop  . I can have a scream and shout in the car on the way back and let the tears begin and hopefully get some of it out of my system. If you aren't yet having counselling ,I advise you to get your name down as it can be a while before you get a slot. And it is something we need to be able to talk about all these Emotions that feel consuming. I'm sorry that you have also joined this club that none of us asked for. . Take one day at a time . Take all the help you can get . It's not easy asking for it . And some people expect us to "Get over this " quicker than you will expect. We don't get over this great loss . In time we learn to live with it. 

I miss `us` too. Jay and I had so much planned that we wanted to do but cancer took it all away. Things breaking down and needing fixed I am ok with if its something minor like a plug needing replaced or something but anything other than that I'm out of my depth and scared to touch anything incase I make a pigs ear of fixing it. Major electrical issues I have my son for that he works in electrical engineering I have maintenance plans in place for my gas boiler and plumbing etc so if anything goes there I can just call someone out and it doesn't cost me but its the `fun things` I miss with Jay all the days out, holidays etc not really much fun going places on your own and as Breton said in a recent post I haven't had much to laugh about recently you know have a really good laugh. Jay was always making me laugh a silly look, or off the cuff one liners I just miss that. Miss a lot.