I’m struggling to remember how my partner was before the disease took away his ability to swallow and speak. Is this normal and will the memories come back? Anne
Oh! It really does happen this way. I don't think I've ever shied away from talking or even trying to be there for friends of mine who have lost a Partner / spouse. Because I know how I would feel. Now I'm in the same position I have found some do. I regularly see my eldest nephew in the Park in the mornings and he often pretends not to see me. Some days he might wave from across the field , other days he goes the other way so our paths don't cross. He can't miss me because one of my dogs is mainly white and the size of a Shetland pony. So now I pretend I haven't seen him either ,I'm not that desperate . Only a couple of neighbours know I'm widowed and I don't intend telling everyone. I see a Widow in the Park sometimes and we will have a chat. I don't go to Family occasions as I've felt like the odd one out for years anyway since my Hubby was ill for such a long time ,he didn't feel up to going . My elder sister is the only one who I see often. But She doesn't want to talk about my feelings so I keep them to myself. I wish we were all closer so we could support each other more. You know you aren't the odd one out here . Even though I am keeping busy my life feels empty. My Elder sister does try to encourage me to go out more , but I can't bear to go to a Pub . I can't listen to music as it sets me off crying still. I want to leave shops when I hear some songs come on. It gets me tearful and sometimes starts off a panic attack . It seems I'm no further on after 15 months. It all still feels so raw . I wish this pain we all feel would stop.
I feel for you Breton, this is a pain that never goes away, and we all seem to be so alone apart from here. My son, daughter in law and grandchildren came to stay at the weekend, the children are so loving and such fun, but after they left I cried and cried because I'm back on my own now. I'm so tired from pretending to be better than I am. I just want one person to understand this, and to be able to be the real me with someone. Even my best friends seem distant from me now, they go places and enjoy their lives the way we used to. Now I don't go anywhere other than shops and dog walking. This is a huge struggle, isn't it? Some days my only reason for being here is my dog.
I get what both of you say. There's days I still feel `invisible` like I don't exist. I still get the `how are you doing` now and again from people round about and I just reply with the `I'm good` because if you go into details sometimes people don't want to know and they have their own problems and worries to contend with. I get that too with having to look after my grandchildren more now when I come back home I just want to sit and cry being on my own again. I just feel I am here for everyone else now my son, daughter-in-law my granddaughters and my sister- and my wee dog of course Spirit. It all gives me a purpose though and something else to focus on but as you say you could be busy, busy but when you stop the empty feelings just come flooding back. I'm like that too and don't relish going to social events and feeling like the `spare part` and odd one out. Jay was not much of a `social bunny` either but he would go to certain things just to show face and when you went to these things you were there as a couple. I just feel now going to something like that people would try to make exceptions because you were there on your own or god forbid try and pair you off with someone. Yes its good to come here because we all get it and can relate to what each of us are going through and know we are not going `nuts` or as the topic says `losing our marbles`. Long may we continue. Take Care.
