Food

Your head knows they've gone but your heart struggles to accept it. I look at photos of when he was well and I can't believe he can just be gone. Grief is such a physical thing, as well as emotional. I have dry gritty eyes from crying so much, headaches from not sleeping, a nervy stomach. Lost all confidence too. I don't recognise this version of myself, and I don't like her very much, but it seems you can never go back to being the person you once were. 

I'm sorry the tablets haven't worked for you. I've been taking mine for 2 weeks now and they are just beginning to kick in. I met my friend today and she noticed a difference in my mood.  They are supposed to help me sleep but that aspect isn't working. I'm back to GP in about 10 days. Hopefully get sleeping pills, I find it impossible to function properly as I'm just so exhausted. Maybe if I'm less tired I'll begin to eat more healthily. I just don't enjoy anything any more, don't know if I ever will.

I get the headaches too and like you I'm no longer very confident.  Steve had alzheimers as well as cancer so I was used to doing and organising everything but I'm now a very different version of myself now he's gone. I'm surrounded by photos of him at various stages of our 34 years together and I can't believe he's gone and ill never see him again, I'd give anything for just a few minutes with him......

I agree with that Spirit. I don't think you really are that same person as you were when your partner/spouse was here. I just say I've gone back to me `pre-Jay days` before I knew him but I think I am a little more `worldly wise` than I was back then and not the awkward and silly 20 something I was thanks to him and its still hard for me at times to accept he is gone. Everytime I manage to do something without its so sad he's not here to see it. `Little wins` as I call them.

xx

I can relate to the lack of confidence. I feel like Ive had a personality transplant and I dont like the new one!

Have you tried taking Valerian Spirit,,? I couldn't cope without them at times. You can buy Kalms 3 for 2 at Holland and Barrat. They really do help. I actually buy mine on-line now . Just found some cheaper than the usual I have been buying for a while. They are better because they have no fillers ,no added rubbish. H&B have fillers. But I bought theirs 2 weeks ago because I got a panic attack when out shopping and also running out at home. They also help me sleep. Everything is so much worse when we don't get our sleep. I don't find them addictive. It is a herbal remedy. I do have days when I don't use them. It depends how I'm feeling. this year has been worse because it's all the firsts without my Hubby. Especially April and thus month is a full year since my loss

1.  Kalms also contain Chamomile. It is worth trying as the stress on our body and mind cannot be good for us. I still find it difficult to accept mine has gone. I keep getting photo memories coming up on my phone and computer. I can now manage to look at them. Though it makes me cry . But I still can't face having photos out . I cannot ever imagine being happy again.When on the break with my sister I had to force a smile for photos. Sometimes I didn't even try. I haven't really laughed or genuinely  smiled for over a year now. Just nothing gives me Joy. I was never this Miserable. I feel so desolate.. If only things were different. 

A lot of people say just for a few minutes ..but that wouldn't be enough for me. I want my Love back forever . Obviously nobody is here forever. But our time together . I just keep thinking back to this time last year. He was still here ,Although near the end Though we didn't know how close

 I feel like I ache to reach for him but he's not there. So very sad. 

I take Kamls sometimes but they dont always work for me. I gavent slept more than 3 hours at a time in over 2 years, so i guess my body has a rythmn now.

I wish I had more photos and videos with his voice. Tony didnt like having his photo taken so there are so few in the last 3 ir 4 years. Id love to make a book like I did for dad when mum died, but Id have trouble filling more than a few pages.

I often took photos of my Hubby ,many with the dogs. I kept meaning to get one of him with our two sons. And missed  an opportunity of taking some with eldest son and his children when we took them to Centre Parks as He was in bed a lot after the long journey. Also we should have asked people to take photos of us together ,though i really dislike my photo taken as I'm not very photogenic. Joe seemed to like being photographed , he was always messing about . Oh! my Dog I miss him so much .  I don't know what I'm going to do without him. My eyes are leaking again. I can barely remember his voice .Though I see his lovely face in my head all the time.  . 

I think we all gained confidence from being a part of a couple . Now we are back to being single that confidence has taken a great big hit ! And none of us like or Like being the Person we are just now. Seems we have to invent a new us somehow .