Food

Hi Breton I quite understand where you are coming from. I won't ever be the same person after what Steve and I went through, I'm totally changed.  I've had a reasonable day today. Walked 5 miles, dug the flower beds, finished all the financial paperwork and sorted HMRC out. I made myself cook and eat some dinner.  Do I feel better?  Not really!! Will I sleep tonight?  No. Its evening now, tv on, not concentrating dreading the long sleepless night ahead. It's like groundhog day over and over again.  I just hope it will get better, can't bear to think this is all life's going to be from now on. I'd love a holiday, could certainly do with one but I've not got anyone to go with either. All my friends still have husband’s. Good job we've all got each other to lean on. I don't post very often but find this is really helping atm.

1. It's a shame there isn't some kind of retreat for us to get together.?An actual Bereavement retreat.  Not like the ones Coaches are arranging at extortionate prices. I have just had 4 nights away in a lovely City, but much as I loved time with my sister and some food I didn't have to cook. I can't exactly say I enjoyed it. I was popping the Valerian every 4 hours regularly just to keep the Panic  attacks at bay. I may have come back slightly relaxed. But I still cried every day as I have done for over a year now. You described it exactly as Groundhog day and that had come to mind on a few of casinos with me. It really is exhausting. I was trying to explain to my sister today just how many different emotions that we are overwhelmed with at any one time. It's really something I never expected and none of the Ladies I know / have known and tried to support in the past  have ever explained to me.   I suppose I am lucky in that my sister would go on holiday with me as her Husband only ever wants to go to their Cottage in France. She's already asked me to go somewhere else ,but I can't afford another holiday for a while yet. I have things I'm paying out for and things need doing on this house. No I try not to think how the future is going to be feeling as I do now. It scares and depressed me.