Food

Hi Breton I quite understand where you are coming from. I won't ever be the same person after what Steve and I went through, I'm totally changed.  I've had a reasonable day today. Walked 5 miles, dug the flower beds, finished all the financial paperwork and sorted HMRC out. I made myself cook and eat some dinner.  Do I feel better?  Not really!! Will I sleep tonight?  No. Its evening now, tv on, not concentrating dreading the long sleepless night ahead. It's like groundhog day over and over again.  I just hope it will get better, can't bear to think this is all life's going to be from now on. I'd love a holiday, could certainly do with one but I've not got anyone to go with either. All my friends still have husband’s. Good job we've all got each other to lean on. I don't post very often but find this is really helping atm.

1. It's a shame there isn't some kind of retreat for us to get together.?An actual Bereavement retreat.  Not like the ones Coaches are arranging at extortionate prices. I have just had 4 nights away in a lovely City, but much as I loved time with my sister and some food I didn't have to cook. I can't exactly say I enjoyed it. I was popping the Valerian every 4 hours regularly just to keep the Panic  attacks at bay. I may have come back slightly relaxed. But I still cried every day as I have done for over a year now. You described it exactly as Groundhog day and that had come to mind on a few of casinos with me. It really is exhausting. I was trying to explain to my sister today just how many different emotions that we are overwhelmed with at any one time. It's really something I never expected and none of the Ladies I know / have known and tried to support in the past  have ever explained to me.   I suppose I am lucky in that my sister would go on holiday with me as her Husband only ever wants to go to their Cottage in France. She's already asked me to go somewhere else ,but I can't afford another holiday for a while yet. I have things I'm paying out for and things need doing on this house. No I try not to think how the future is going to be feeling as I do now. It scares and depressed me. 

Stumbling upon this thread has been insightful. I now cook simple meals in batches to freeze, making things easier on those low-energy days. Have any of you found new comfort foods or recipes that make solo dining more enjoyable? It’d be great to share tips or even challenges you’re facing now. We’re all in this together!

You are so right about those vague 'we must get together' and 'you must pop round for a coffee' remarks. They mean it when they say it but never follow up, and our loss of energy and confidence means we don't make the first move. Being without your 'other half' makes you feel so vulnerable, I feel I've lost a layer of skin; everything hurts so much more  xx

I feel that too Spirit. I feel I'm imposing on other people and would feel like a spare part if I went to anything now. I felt it at my son's wedding last year when I ended up sat at as they call `the singles table` with my sister and her two friends and my cousin and her friend - but in saying that my cousin and her friend are both widows too but its like that and you just feel out of place and Elsa I get the `groundhog day` thing it just feels like covid all over again when everyday was the same. The sun is shining again and its a beautiful day and everyone is out enjoying the sunshine and doing things and its days like these I miss Jay more and more these are days we would always be away out somewhere just jump in the car and go a wee random  road trip somewhere. My son and daughter in law and my little granddaughters are away to a caravan park in Ayrshire just outside Glasgow next week and I have been tasked with looking after their dog. I said to them why can you not take her with you but my son said no room in the car by the time they put buggies, car seats and what have you in. I was hoping they'd ask me to go with them but I'm the `boarding kennels` for the week. She's not a little dog either she's a labrador but if nothing else it will be company for my little one. I'm not having a good day today either been sat out for a little while because its so nice but gave up after about 45minutes and came back inside as there was no one about. The joys of widowhood eh?

Yes that is the other `bugbear` Breton finances I definitely feel it now and get by- just! Used to be if you wanted something you just went out and got it but when you lose your partner/spouse you lose a chunk of income as well. I need to work out a budget now in what I have to pay out and if there is anything left for little luxuries its a bonus. Jay was ok with me getting things if I needed them and as for birthdays and Christmas it was always `there's the debit card get what want` (within reason of course).  All the little luxuries now though sometimes feel pointless if you have no one to share them with. 

I struggle with heat and am also feeling low. Ive got an eye problem so ill be spending most of tomorrow, my birthday, travelling to and waiting at the hospital. This time last year was the last time we had a proper day out, we went to our local arboreatum, hired mobility scooters, and actually laughed. We would never have thought it was to be our last day out. 

Sending love for your birthday. Mine was on Monday, spent very quietly with my daughter and the dog, but I got beautiful flowers from my stepdaughters with a card that said 'dad would have wanted you to have these'.