Much as I love my older sister ,I can't help wishing my Lovely Husband was here with me. Or even with us. He would have absolutely loved Venice. Why did we spend bloody money on getting new PVC windows & Doors on a bloody house we came to hate ,.when we could have had some lovely holidays for a few years ? I should be Happy on this trip in a Beautiful Country ,but I'm miserable wishing he was here . Crying uncontrollably when we look at the Beautiful Architecture he would have really appreciated. I'm so angry with myself The years wasted . Just spending that time trying to make the House and garden nice ..for what? . Nothing !!! Gained little in profit,Jealous and hateful neighbours ruined it. And now when we should be enjoying retirement together he's gone. I can't find joy in anything any more. I don't want to do anything in this house . What's the point ? I had hoped some time away might make me feel a little better but it's not. This month has been so painful with the 1st Anniversary & Birthdays without him. And May will be even worse coming up to a full year of losing him. I miss him desperately. How can a year have passed ? Why didn't I realise there were things I could have 
done which might have helped keep him here longer ? Spoiling this break for my Sister .Why is this Life so Shite for us all in this group? No wonder we are all so Depressed . While the World around us goes on ,we suffer our traumatic loss surrounded by Happy families and lovers walking hand in hand . It ' s so Painful. . And still I blame myself for missing the signs. I hope this existence will get better for us all soon. It's Unbearable. It's 3 am and I can't sleep.But I can't listen to a Podcast or boring facts to help me fall sleep cos' it would wake my sister up.
That sometimes happens to me Angela. If I'm sitting reading or doing something I get a little `flicker` out the corner of my eye as if something is just fleeting past but when I look up nothing is there. Think they have subtle little ways of letting you know they're still around
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Vicky x
That's been happening to me recently. My Hubby's friend was trying to send him messages after he died. His name kept coming up on Hubby's Computer. He told me about it happening and thought perhaps was imagining it. I did believe him though. And one day he brought the laptop in to show me . There it was in the bottom right hand corner. Just his name . I said he's sending that to let you know He's OK . Now I am getting little flashes of light at the side or almost behind me at eye level. and I keep thinking it's a bird flying or something,but when I look round there is nothing . I thought it's just my mind playing tricks. My Hubby knows / knew I am easily spooked so I don't think he would do anything weird if he was able. I often see his name Come up on Number plates or elsewhere when I'm thinking about him. Yesterday there was an expensive Sports car with his name on coming out of the car wash at Asda when I was Filling up with Petrol. I had to look away before I broke down in tears. I miss him so much . This time last year he was still with me . I so wish he was now. 
