What does support look like to you?

Healing for me, is nature. This is a life force, and shows us that life and death are part of its cycle. We are not in control, and nature will continue. Kindness, in others. Particularly, where it is not expected. Being able to express myself, and listen to others. I have just spent four hours with a close friend down the pub. Many locals came up to me for a hug.  We had supper, and were able to talk about both of our lives. (Not just me). It felt good to give back, to care about others. Listening is an underrated skill. It is so important. Myself and our adult children are off to The West Country on Monday, for four nights. The first time without him. I have collected, lavender, bluebells, clematis, buttercups and daisies (from my darling’s grave). I will be going into the sea, and sprinkling these flowers. This a way of honouring, and remembering my darling. Our border collie, Jack will come into the sea as well. I know it sounds a bit mad, but it makes sense to me. Kate.xxx

My main support has been three long term friends who check in with me all the time, either by phone calls or texts, and visits when they can as none are local to me. They have sat in silence while I wept, talked to me gently, listened when I needed to talk and laughed with me when I needed some distraction. They have saved me.

My family don't really know how to cope with a mum who cries all the time, although they try their best. Counselling was ok but it didn't help a lot. Coming here has been a lifeline, because there's no need for explanations or excuses. Also journalling has been a big help. I suppose that's just me trying to support myself. 

I've logged in to Julia Samuel's webinars, I think she makes a lot of sense. Also books by Gary Sturgis are a great support for me. 

I also have a Gary Sturgis book that I got about a month ago. I read it before I go to sleep, every night. It helps me settle. I will be taking it with me on our trip, tomorrow. 

Enjoy your break Kate,  I hope it helps with your healing process. X

Thank you. I had a cry earlier, as I felt so sad that my Paul wouldn’t be coming. I then had a nap, which seems to help a lot. I am in the middle of packing, ten minute break. Sorting our 20 year old Vauxhall Zafira has been hysterical, (115,000 miles on the clock). Halford’s alert. New wipers, rear bulb, treatment for headlight’s. I have checked coolant, oil, screen wash, battery. I bought a battery charger, and sorted that on our drive. Tyre pressure done. I am paranoid that I have missed something. It is another new area to learn about. Oh well, I have breakdown cover. 

Support for me has been my Girls, on different levels as their own lives are hectic, but one in particular made contact with me every single day since her Dad passed.

A friend, who initially checked in every day and still now does so at least twice a week. 

I also did an online bereavement training course, I knew, as a trained counsellor that it was unlikely that I would take myself off to counselling (mainly because I would be considering their counselling skills rather than the work that I needed to do with a counsellor) so I did an online diploma course to try and get a greater understanding of the stages I would go through and have some idea of how to make that journey easier. 

My workplace colleagues, their understanding of my situation, my fluctuating moods and my need to take time out, has been a blessing. 

My cat's, let's be honest talking to the cats doesn't feel like I am talking to myself, and I could say anything I needed too. 

Dal, even with his passing, he continues to be a constant in the support that I need, I reply in my mind what I believe he would be telling me, I speak too him and allow myself to process an answer based on his logic and not mine. 

 Writing my thoughts down on here in my earlier post, made a huge difference, and I am grateful for having the support of this site, 

Lowe'

Support for me is my eldest son and daughter in law who have been absolutely wonderful and two close friends.  One friend messages me every day, she's been through much sorrow in life and totally understands. The other friend is in constant touch and we meet up almost daily for a coffee and a chat, she listens to and supports me and I her. I don't know what I'd do without her!! She collected prescriptions and did much running around when Steve was so ill and was on call 24/7. We've been friends since we were babies. Unfortunately my youngest son and daughter in law don't contact me much, it's as if the funeral is over, just get on with it!! I'm very hurt!! Nowt so queen as folk!! Have a lovely holiday Kate, you deserve it. Take every chance to be happy in life.