At such a loss

Hi Elsa I'm Angela and I'm so sorry for your loss.

The world is such a cruel place sometimes.  I lost my husband 18 weeks ago and I don't think I've accepted it yet.  You are still so early on in your grief, just try to be kind to yourself.  Eat whatever you can manage.   If that happens to be chocolate and a mug of tea thats fine.  Rest when your body tells you to.  Everyone is different and for some it takes its time to process, I'm learning that too.  I keep telling myself off for not doing well but in truth my heart and my mind will only let me do so much and that's the same for you maybe.  

When your entire world is shattered and empty it will take us a long time to recover.  I forget that as I muddle along too.  Sending you much love.

Everyone on here is lovely so keep chatting.  It does help.

Hi Elsa,

I am sorry to read about your husband, its so recent for you. Your head will be all over the place.

You are in the right place, we are a lovely supportive bunch, and you can express your thoughts without anyone judging you,, because we all get it.

It can often feel worse after the funeral because you are so busy before that and slso I found anyway, that people start to disperse back to their normal lives that we dont have any more. 

Im almost 6 months after losing Tony to an aggressive sarcoma. I have to believe it gets better bit by bit because people tell me it does, but it often doesnt feel like it. If you get chance to read some of the conversations here, you will see that we are all in a similar position, devastated, lost, broken, there are many words we could use. 

It is good you have supportive friends, do reach out to them, good friends or family can be a real godsend during these early weeks and months.

A big hug coming your way.

Hi Elsa

All of this is so familiar to me. My husband died 4 months ago, I was his carer. The empty house is still so hard, and I feel the same about noticing all the couples holding hands, and feeling you are invisible. I too have supportive friends, but they all have their husbands. At least here we do all understand, and whatever you are feeling there are people here who get it totally. It is still so raw for you. 

I've learned to allow myself to do as little or as much as I can cope with each day. Some days I can manage a few things, other days I just cry and watch rubbish tv. Some days the grief is overwhelming. I don't think it has got easier, but it is slowly becoming more normal, and I'm getting used to having to live like this. Talking helps a bit, and coming here where everyone is so kind and supportive. I know none of this helps, I just wanted to reply to you and say that you are understood. Sending you a big heartfelt hug x

Hello Elsa, 5 weeks  is so recent. You will be in a daze. I know I was. I also stopped  eating , sleep only came in short spurts . Weight just dropped off me and my family kept trying to get me to eat. I eventually started having a couple of biscuits. I did drink of course. Without a decent nights sleep we feel even less able to cope . I didn't want to leave the house . My youngest son took time off work to be with me . I get that about seeing couples walking hand in hand . It's like being stabbed. I just have to look the other way. I take our dogs to the local park which is well used by dog walkers ,often couples .( My Husband struggled to walk far ,so we rarely walked together )  I couldn't go in his room without breaking down. Have you been to your Doctors ? They should give you some sleeping tablets for a few weeks at least. Eventually you will get a bit of your appetite back. I must admit I eat more rubbish than I ever did. I still try to eat some fruit and plenty of veg. . But really I'm not interested in food anymore .  I hate listening to music. I used to always put Spotify or one of my CD's on each morning to listen to while I cleaned. Now the lyrics often make me cry. All you can do is take each day as it comes. It's great that you have support . I agree I don't feel like this house is a home and the one I left even less so.  

Hi Elsa!

Firstly, sorry for your loss. I am one of the `veterans` on here I like consider myself as my grief journey is that bit further on from the rest here. I am just over 2 and half years in from losing my husband to bowel cancer. We were together for 40 years married for 37 and it is a shock to they system when that one constant is no longer by your side after all those years. Very early days for you in your grief so your head will be all over the place and all the feelings you have written about are more or less what I have been through. Yes everything is just so unfair especially when you see couples holding hands walking along the road we did that too even though we were a `pair of old codgers` and yes your home can just become a place where you live. Everything you planned to do and wanted to do is all now gone and you are right also when you say people can't really know what its like unless they have been through it. `Hands Up` I used to think the exact same thing when someone I maybe knew had lost someone and used to wonder why they weren't `back to normal` after a couple of months but I do `get it now` grief is not like a cold or flu and gets better in weeks or days it takes time and a lot of time. Everyone grieves at different levels so we are not all the same. Just take everything a day at a time. I won't tell you it will get better because only you will know when you eventually feel a shift in how you feel but for now as I said it's early days for you. Just keep relying on the support of your friends for now if you have good ones to lean on and just keep coming here when you need to. We are all a great support for each other here and we all get it when maybe those close to you don't. Take Care of yourself and sending you best wishes. 

Vicky x