i lost my wife on 21/03/26. we have 3 lovely children but i feel so alone even though i am never on my own. just wanted to reach out for help or advice and maybe help others.
Welcome to the forum although its not really a place a lot of us want to be but here we are. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband just over 2 &1/2 years ago to bowel cancer. This forum has been a lifeline for me because it is a place where I can come when I feel lost and alone like you do now because everyone `gets it` as we are all more or less on the same horrible journey. Some of the rest will probably be along later to answer your post. Yes you will be feeling alone just now along with probably feelings of guilt, shock, anger etc because it is very early days into your loss so everything will feel very raw and yes I get that that you will be feeling alone even in a room full of people. I still sometimes feel like this even though I am a little bit further on in my loss than others here. I now feel sometimes that I am `intruding` in other people's company even my own family my son and daughter in law and my two little granddaughters. Luckily I am ok in my own company and being alone doesn't really bother me much. Just unfair that everything we planned and wanted to do is all gone now. Good though that you and your children have people around you for support. Just keep coming here when you feel you need to it's a safe place to let off steam when you need to and as I said we all get it when those around you maybe don't. Take Care of yourself. Best Wishes.
Thank you patty that was lovely. Yes it’s very early in our loss and hoping that one day we will heal. It’s just so difficult at the moment to see that day coming. I have a wonderful family and they are all very supportive but it’s the little things that set me off just made dinner and done to many Yorkshire puddings lol. I am sorry for your loss and if you need to chat feel free.
Vicky says it all so well. Im almost 6 months since the death of my husband to a rare sarcoma. I feel alone and lonely a lot. I can manage some of my own company, just not all the time, and find little joy in some of the things Ive been going to.
How old are your children? Are they young enough to be still living with you?
Your bereavement is so raw and recent, youre probably running around planning the funeral if there is one, starting admin, taking phone calls etc. Its exhausting and a lobely place to be even when you are not alone.
You can only take things one day, even one hour at a time. Reach out to family or friends for help with simple things like cooking or shopping.
We are a nice bunch here, so come and chat whenever you want to, we all get it and were all muddling through in our own little way.
Thank you. My children all still live with me they are 10,15 & 17 we are trying to stay strong but it’s hard to know what they are going through. I talk to them about mum every day and ask if they are ok. I also tell them if I am having a good day or bad day. I am planning on returning to work this week so hopefully will occupy my mind for a bit if the day.
Hi Collierdan, I know what you mean when you say you feel alone but you're never on your own. When my husband died in Feb there were lots of people trying their hardest to be helpful and kind but I got so frustrated with the noise and the open-ended vague offers of assistance and the constant questions and decisions. All I wanted was my husband to be there to help share the load, to debrief on how f*king mental this whole situation is, catch his eye to share a little in-joke. All I can say is that if you can choose to be around the people that understand you the most if might feel a tiny bit more manageable. It's no where near the same as having your partner with you. They get you on a totally different level. I've just joined Widowed and Young (WAY) to see if they can support. https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/ They will get it. They have a helpline for people in exactly your/ our position. I think I need to speak to people who understand and have been through it (like this forum) because the waiting list for bereavement therapy is not quick.
If you are a little bit older, there is Wayup which is for people say 50+. I joined a while back and they arranfe online and in person meets, though sadly, none in my area.
Thank you I will have a look at that site. I know it early days but don’t want to bottle it all up and leave it to late for help. Thank you for your lovely reply means a lot. I also hope you are ok and if you need to chat I am here
Ask your Doctor about counselling. and get on the waiting list for Cruse . I had to wait 6 months for counselling with them. But it coincided with the end of counselling with a young Lady at the Doctors who wasn't a bereavement counsellor ,but it did help a little to talk as my family find it difficult to listen to me going over the same things which were upsetting me . The Lady at Cruse was really good. I didn't get the tilted head and the pitying looks . Easier on the phone and she was upbeat without being too bubbly ,which I am finding it hard to cope with people trying to jolly me along when they have no idea how desolate and miserable I feel. You sound like you are still in shock and running on auto pilot /survival mode . When the numbness wears off it really hits you. So that's when you will need someone neutral to talk to. I hope you have support to help you bring your children up . I'm lucky that our two sons are grown men and I have my own grieve to contend with . They seem to have accepted their Fathers death since he was ill for such a long time . But I am finding it extremely difficult . I've been listening to a lot of Podcasts . Especially through the night when I can't sleep. Julia Samuel is good , also Karen Sutton . I've just joined Way up. See if that helps. I'll try anything except I don't want to socialise ,go to Pubs , cafes or concerts . I hope you can get counselling for your 3 children too, I think they may well need it. They will all handle grief in a different way . Take care
Thank you it means a lot that people offer advice on this platform. My children have had some contact with there school councillors today my middle daughter has said it was ok but you never know if they are keeping things in. I have started my journey for help in this website and was also thinking of some podcasts so will look into the ones you have mentioned. It’s the same old saying time is a healer but at the moment that seems a long way off. many thanks
I registered for Way up today . But then they have asked for extra info. Including a copy of my Husbands Death certificate . I get that they are wanting to keep it a Private group And that they want to be sure no idiots or Vultures are going to try take advantage of Vulnerable people . I understand that because I have reported several Men who are going on trying to get friendly with recently widowed Ladies and it also happens with men ..with Intentions of scamming or trying to extract money and more at a very Vulnerable time . But I dread having to look at it once again. I've had to copy and produce it for much of the paperwork we have to do with Bank account closures and Probate +everything else involved . I've filed it away and hoped not to have to look at it again for some time to come . So I haven't completed registration yet . I guess you had to do the same Malengwa. ? I just couldn't face it today .
