New, scared, heartbroken and not got to the hard bit.

I often find looking at my husband's picture brings both love, and sadness, but I could not be without his face looking at me, it give me great comfort, I hope that you can get great comfort from the pictures and things you have collected over the years. 

Lowe'

Hi 

I just lost my wife to cancer a month ago. We were married for 24 years

One son now 22

I know what you mean about anticipation, I had the same thing. 

Mostly because she had changed a lot physically in the last few months, and I could finally see the inevitable coming thorugh my denial of the situation, and hers too, she was an optimist right to the end.

I started to cry a lot, which also made her sad and this was counterproductive but also not something I could control very easily .So I tried to keep that out of her space as much as I could.

She was in the USA ( her home country, but she live with me here for 22 of our 24 years ) having treatment and stuck there, after UK treatment reached a natural end, I was only able to travel over for short periods although at the end I stayed for a couple of months and I have only just got back to our UK family home where the memorios of her are overwhelming, but I'm working on that now.

To help with the creeping sadness I tried my best to talk to her, tell her I love her, told her how much I had enjoyed my life with her and how thankful I was that I had met her, my soul mate. We tried to make few good memories together when we could, watched a film, made some food, went out for a drive in the car to the beach and although it was dificult at times it has helped me now she has passed.

We talked about us, about our relationship and how much we love each other and I even managed to tell her how I planned to take care of myself, go and travel, and what I wanted to do once she had gone. She wanted to know that I would be OK and that my son would be OK too. it helped.

She made me a short video while she was in home hospice care, which was incredibl. She sneaked off with a friend and did it. It has been so hepful at times of sorrow. Home hospice was amazing and it gave her the chance to make her peace with everything before she let go.

I wasnt't ready to say goodbye, I don't think you can ever be, but you can at least try to make the end as peaceful and as meaningful as possible.

I hope you find joy in your life again abreak through the sadness.