New, scared, heartbroken and not got to the hard bit.

Hi Adopted_Children and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

Hi Adopted_Children,

I wish I could have some positive advice for you but I really don't know what to say to you at this time. Anticipatory grief can be just as traumatic as actual grief and I did go through that with my late husband for almost 18 months before he passed in June 2023.  I was very much in denial because I knew his days were numbered but just kept holding on that little bit of hope that he would rally and get better but I think I knew myself deep down it would never happen. Good that you have a good support network around you and long may that continue. So sorry that you also have young children to consider. Please just come on here when you feel you need to we are all a good bunch and a great support for one another and we all `get it` so if you want to come on and scream shout vent or whatever this is a safe place to do so. This is a place I think none of us thought we would end up but here we are and as I said we all `get it` when you feel those closest to you don't. My best wishes to you. Take Care. 

Vicky 

Hi Vicky, 

Thank you for kind words, I have been struggling with what I am feeling and Anticipatory grief sums it all up. Every kind word and deed helps so much. 

Thank you 

Tim 

Hi adopted_children

so sorry to read about what youre going through. I echo everything pattyk said. My husband had the 12-18 months prognosis, he got 12. You are never ready to lose them, to say goodbye, all you can do is do your best to enjoy the time you have, make memories, tell each other how much you love them, do things you want to do when she is able.

You mention support, my advice is take everything offered whether its bringing food, offering to hoover, look after the kids, take it. If you have a hospice, get referred in, ours were amazing and supported both of us and continue to support me now. I know not all are as amazing as ours, but you can certainly find out. 

We are here for each others. This group, we have all lost our partners, and there is the carers group as well. You are safe here, we are a lovely bunch. X

Thank you,

It has been a bad morning, I have a sick child at the moment and plan was take children/grandparents up to see my wife at the hospice. But I am not taking a child into the hospice who is ill not fair on anybody. 

I am trying to face my building grief and getting out all those bits and bobs collected over our life so far and getting them out on show, I cry over each little item but feel each tear is good as over time they will bring comfort and joy. 

My joys for today, spring is coming, blossom is starting to show. I will have a chat with my wife today and thanks to all the different ways we can talk that will be good. My children already have made me smile, my youngest is taking her favorite soft toy to see Mummy and has packed all the essentials (which we went through in great detail).  Our Wedding photo is out for all to see and our big bowl of Corks celebrating many events is out as well. 

I am sad because it is a simple unassuming life passed unnoticed but I am happy because a simple unassuming life is what we wanted together.  

A simple life doesnt mean its unnoticed. Think about the amazing things you have done together and enabled each other to do by yourselves.

You have given 2 children a home,amazing love and security, a love they will never forget and will take forwards into their own lives. You have an adult child who you are also supporting to navigate a separation. Your love and her love will carry on even when she is no longer with you in body.

We had a simple life too. We werent all bells and whistles, we were quite ordinary as a couple, but part of my husbands lives on.

Its lovely that you are taking those things to be by her side, so you can remember together. 

Crying is incredible good for you, let is out. I still cry every day ( 4 months on) often in public places. 

Hugs coming your way xx

Thank you 

Hi Adopted_Children

I just wanted to say, my husband was given a prognosis, which was 4 months without treatment and hopefully 12 months with, he was with me for a further 5 years and 2 months before this blasted disease took him from me. 

There is only time to live, whilst you have your wife, look to do everything you can, make memories and hope for more, because, at first, I believe we all grieve before the true loss has happened, but it is nothing like the reality of when they are gone. So hang on, and focus on the now, take every day one day at a time, but make some plans for tomorrow, Dal and I did a lot in that 5 years, and I will forever be grateful the their prognosis is only ever a best guess. 

Lowe'

I couldn't cry when Jay first passed away. I wanted to but the tears just would not come and I thought that was strange because I felt it was something I would be doing. I make up for it now though. Sometimes I will just be sitting and think of something we did or hadn't done but wanted to do  and the next thing the tears are streaming down my face. Good to get it out though and you feel a lot better after it. 

xx

Well moving forward and challenged my self to get out all the pictures and things collected over the years.

They are all out on display for when my wife comes home. It made cry to begin with, but now I get a little fizz of joy.

I know there are more tears coming but I have faced these many items  now and hope that joy they give will help.