Back again

I'm tired of hearing 'you are strong' and 'you're doing so well'. Just because I'm dressed and look normal doesn't mean I'm doing anything well. They want me to be strong because that takes the pressure off them. Even our kids just ask 'are you ok' in a text message, they are already tired of having to worry or even think about me. 

I've realised that there is only me now, it's all up to me. That's hard and it's scary but the bottom line is that's how it is. Maybe one day people will realise that none of us is doing well or being strong, we're just very good at pretending.

You sound d just like me. My weeks are generally manic so I must be ok because I’m out living my life aren’t I??? And yet even in a crowd Im lonely. Don’t get me wrong I do have times when I enjoy myself - I joined a walking group which really helped me- but at the end of that day I go home to an empty house and all I want to do is tell Dave about my day.

But we just keep going because what choice do we have ? One day at a time. 

Take care 

J

Maybe we should all join Equity and start auditioning for acting roles. We see to be very convincing

I echo your sentiments exactly `Spirit` and you're right `it is just me now` and I have had to adopt that attitude now. In the past I could hide behind Jay for certain things and let him do it all but now if I don't do it who will? and all the time its a learning curve wondering constantly if you are doing the right thing on the decisions you make where you used to make decisions together and worrying constantly if things go wrong but its just chances we need to take now I think. Yes I get that too, `you've done so well since Jay has passed but if they only knew inside you are constantly screaming. Take Care. 

Vicky x