Mad?

SpiritintheSky you are not going mad at all. I talk to my husband all the time and keep his phone charged so I can look at pictures he took on his phone. I have not moved any of his things, all his clothes are in the wardrobe and drawers. His toiletries are in the bathroom cabinet and his huge collection of aftershaves are all in the same place he left them. There is no timescale to have done things. If it feels right for you then it’s okay. Sending hugs and strength to you x 

Thankyou AlyG. I had to get rid of the car last week, I donated it to a charity (it was old and had a huge amount of mileage) and I sobbed as it was taken away. That made me realise it's much too soon to lose anything else that was David's. As you say, no timescale for any of this, and nobody else's concern. Our grief is our own and I guess only we know how best to get through the days. Hugs back to you. We can do this. x

Spirit, that must have been hard, like I found it to get rid of Tonys bed. The car is still there, partly because im hoping to keep it for my grandson when he passes his test, and partly because its being the garage for his mobility scoooter which I will use myself in due course. 

Im nowhere near getting rid of his things. Ive just managed to find a charity to take all his catheters and bags, as noone would take them, i was told to just bin them the charity (caleed Medi Tech trust) send meducal equipment to war zones like Ukraine. I was pleased to box that up and send it off. 

As to more personal things, no. His shed come workshop is a tip, but he wasnt the tidiest person, but not yet, it will be a big job when I do feel ready, and Ill need a box of tissues.

I want to trust my instinct that i will just know when its right. You will too. 

It's strange isn't it? We know they don't need their possessions any more, but we feel the need to keep them, to keep things as they were. I know I will have to learn to be a different person, to be that awful word, a widow. But I still feel like his wife, and I don't think I'll ever be ready to let go of that. And if I'm not his wife then who am I? I don't feel like a whole person any more. 

This is so hard isn't it? Harder than anything I've ever had to do. This is grief on another level. I guess we were blessed to have known the love that has resulted in such pain. xx

Hi Malengwa!

Yes I don't understand that. I was the same with Jays catheters and stoma bags still all boxed and not touched yet the NHS said they didn't want them back something to do with contamination they said and like you they said send them to a charity wish I knew about that one you mentioned but at the time I just wanted rid so ended up binning them. Even asked our local GP practice but they didn't want them either and they say the NHS is crying out for supplies??

You're right there Spirit. You just don't feel like a whole person any more. I don't know but just since the start of the year the grief has just hit me again. I thought I was managing and starting to get on with things but just developed that awful sense of dread. Don't know if it is the thought of going into another year (my 3rd) without him. So right in what they say that grief comes in waves and at the minute I just feel I'm fighting against the tide to get back to shore. Yes you and Malengwa will know when the time is right for letting go of some things. I have already gotten rid of some of his clothes that he never wore still in their wrappers but there are a few things I have still kept back still on hangers in the wardrobe. I still have drawers full of miscellaneous crap he used to hoard as well his `man drawers` as I think they're called  you know the `that'll come in useful for something` ones One day I will get rid of whats there but for now I just open them and close them again. Yes I'm still `Mrs Mason` when people ask for my name and address over the phone for anything I'm paying or anything. I just can't take to the word `widow` either. Sending you all hugs

Vicky xx

Yes, this is so right. I know those trousers / t.shirts / toothbrush / scalp cream / sunglasses etc will never be needed by him again. 
And yet to get rid of them feels a reality to far to accept yet. 
But some clothes, potions, cables etc I had no problem with disposing. 

And like you, Vicky, I open a drawer or wardrobe with a deep breath and every intention of sorting them, but just shut them and cry. Again.

It’s been 17 unbelievable, dazed months since my beautiful Valen was ripped from us. 
I will, when the time is right, take his favourite t.shirt to a friend to make into an elephant. His favourite animal. I saw the teddy bear she made for a friend whose wife died 6 months before Valen. Made from her favourite dungarees. It’s wonderful and he loves it.

Everything has to be when the time is right for each individual one of us. No one but us will know when that time comes.