1 year

Heartbreak, 

I am so sorry somebody said that. People don't understand this horrible path we are now on. 

Take care 

Hi heartbreak. 

Im facing my first new year alone and it breaks my heart that my husband is not here.

People can be so callous with their comments, ive already had similar and its not 3 months yet. 

What I have learned is that when it comes to grief, everuthing is normal. Do you have any bereavement support or accessed any counselling? I do find myself drawn to people and groups where there are others who understand, perhaps this will change in time, who knows.

We just take one step at a time.

Keep talking it helps. Virtual hug coming your way.

I have had 1 councilling session which I cried the whole hour then made me feel even more awful for 2 days after. I'm supposed to have another one next week but not sure if to go as I dread what's coming. She said to me she doesn't think I've cried enough but I cry most days and feel that it's then forced on you more if that makes sense. Nobody going to ease that heavy pain weighing inside or bring that person back x

Heartbreak,  I would give counselling a couple more sessions, before you decide. The first couple I cried most of the time, it was a release been able to talk about things, i could not mention to anyone else. A safe space. 

People can be so ignorant. I had this terrible rage for quite sometime. I have stopped going to our local pub, as there are a lot of those type of people. The ones that haven’t experienced this type of loss, but have plenty to say. Comments such as; “You are in a difficult place”, “Shouldn’t you have moved on by now ?”, and my favourite, “You can meet somebody new, now”, and then they started laughing as though it was a big joke. I still socialise, but very carefully choose the people I mix with. I am quite happy being part of “The Pariah Club”. Sending hugs to all, Kate. Xxx

Hello Heartbreak. 

Yes it certainly is normal.  I am just over 2 and half years in from losing Jay and never have I ever felt so alone and don't know where I belong anymore as much as I do now especially at this time of the year when everyone is being `happy and jolly`. Last night (New Year's Eve) was another quiet one for me just me and my sister but with me in my 60's now I feel my `party central days` are well and truly behind me and I leave all that to the `young team` who I was part of some 40 years ago. Even through Christmas although my son and daughter in law had me and my sister at theirs and did Christmas dinner, I just feel as if I am `invading` their privacy now even though they are my family. I have a new little granddaughter I have hardly seen since her arrival in October when my first little granddaughter was born in 2020 Jay was still here and they seemed keen at that time to let us babysit but with my new one I  only get a little cuddle now and again. Felt it last week when Jay's nephew and his wife and daughters came over to visit them and I was asked over to theirs for a catch up with them. My nephews wife was all over the baby and even just took it on herself to feed her a bottle. Not once have they asked me to do that when I have been there but allowed my nephews wife just to do it. I think I did ask at one time but my son just said no its ok I'll do it which makes me feel as though I am getting pushed out further and further and am just here now as a last resort if they can't get a babysitter or dog sitter when there is no one else to do it. On  a few occasions my older little granddaughter has not even wanted to to come over and stay with me instead wanting to stay with her mum and dad and `little sister` and I get that she wouldn't want to leave her little sister. Its all a novelty for her just now. I know a time will come she won't want her gran but at 5 years old I am assuming it will be quite a few years away yet. Maybe I am just reading too much into it because of the time of year and I am feeling slightly emotional just now. I wish you well and everyone else here a Happy New Year and just hope it goes on to be a good one for all of us. Take Care.

Vicky x

PattyK,

I am sorry you are feeling like this. I have spent Christmas and new year on my tod.

I know this year it was the right choice, the new year has been harder a lot harder. The thought of starting a new year without Sue is differently steps backwards. When we are emotionally sometimes we see things which aren't their. I hope you're GD goes back to wanting her gran. 

Take care

We managed a decent Christmas and New Year, in spite of us all having a horrible virus. We didn’t socialise much, which was the right approach for us. This year, I am looking forward to working in the garden. Cutting back brambles, and growing some vegetables. I am taking things really slowly, and will just have an open mind to the rest. Kate. xxx

That's something along the lines of what I want to do this year too Kate put some colour into my wee back garden. Painted it last year so hopefully be able to dress it up at little this year get a few planters and get some seeds planted and hope they flower.  I have another few plans in the pipeline but just need to see if they come to fruition and if the funds are available. As you said, keeping an open mind. Take Care. 

Vicky 

Thank You Ghostlove.

x