How do I say goodbye?

Hi Penny. Sorry to read this, but I am glad you got to see hime and he had family with him at the end. You will be all over the place now, the fact rhat he was so loved will bring comfort..everyone who knew Tony said he was such a lovely man and that brings a wee smile to me.

Keep talking, it helps

Much love xx

Thank you so much for your thoughtful words, Malengwa. I really appreciate it.

I am feeling very numb at the moment. It is so unfair. He had been getting better and better  a month ago, he was back at home, cooking and even driving. Then one day, he said he wasn't feeling very well. The doctors kept him in hospital just to keep an eye on him .... and within a month he is gone. We are all in complete shock.

Thank you so much for caring and sharing your experience with me xx

Hello Penny

You are so welcome. As I said we are all here for one another and are a good bunch. Yes Jay seemed to `rally` a bit two weeks before he actually passed. He had been sitting up in bed and scrolling through his phone and chatting away as if he was back to his old self but little did I know two weeks later he would be gone. It's been a bit of a horrible year for me this year. Ironically I sailed through my first year without him and got through it ok. I think it was a case that I was still coming to terms with him not being here and still expecting him to come walking through the door. I am going into my 3rd Christmas without him and really feeling it this year. Our son got married in February this year and I welcomed my 2nd little granddaughter in October two big life events he's not been here to see he would be all over the fact he was a grandad for the 2nd time and really revel in it all. He only got to see the first two years of other little granddaughters life and was over the moon when she was born and said it was better than winning the lottery. Yes its a cruel disease and doesn't care who you are, what you are or where you're from it'll take you if it wants to and in Jays case it came back for him a 2nd time. He got his op in January 2022 and was told he was in remisson but five months later it came back for him and decided it wasn't leaving without him a 2nd time. Mentally I think it affected him too he got so elated when told his cancer was gone but then just took a downward spiral when told it was back and just stopped fighting after a while when they told him nothing else could be done but as you said in your post I just kept hoping for a miracle of some sort to happen any suggestions I made about other alternative treatments I was just told `no` and that his cancer the 2nd time was too advanced for them to try anything else and with the sepsis his internal organs were all more or less `shot` he got kidney damage too when they tried him on more chemotherapy and this resulted in a double nephostromy which meant he had to have bags attached to his back and drains inserted to help his kidneys drain effectively so that along with his stoma bag and urinary catheter he would joke that he had `more bags than Lidl`. Sorry for rambling on I tend to go off on a `tangent` at times. Just take your time you will get through this though it will feel at the minute you won't. Sounds as though you have a lot of support around you which is good and as I said come here as often as you need. Take Care of yourself. 

Vicky x

Speaking from my experience only my husband didn’t want anyone to say goodbye or even mention him dying, he just wanted people to chat as usual and in fact didn’t want to see many people at all, which caused a few problems!
My suggestions would be to speak a of shared memories, tell your brother how much he means to you, even include funny stories from your shared childhood.  Hope this helps x

Thank you for taking the time to write to me. Sadly, my dear brother passed away earlier in the week. We are all in shock and totally heartbroken.

I am so sorry for your own loss.

Xx

Bless you, Vicky.

I can see so many similarities.

My brother absolutely doted on his two daughters and three year old grandson. He had many interests but was totally a loving & devoted family man. His funeral is not until mid-January. So Christmas and New Year has to be 'got through' by his poor wife and children, overshadowed by the dreadful inevitable. 

Your poor husband. It must have been so hard for you seeing him like that, coping with his ups and downs, the good days & bad days, being full of hope - only to have that snatched away suddenly and abruptly.

You sound so wise, Vicky. But I realise that has probably grown from time and gradual acceptance. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Bless you for reaching out to me from your own pain.

God bless xxx ️