6 months

I feel for you. Four months for me and I feel robbed of our future too. I don't have words for the awfulness of it. I wander around myself then find myself yelling - this can't be real, how can you not be here? Over and over again. 

I am so sorry you are going through this horror. Only people that have been through it, truly understand. It is horrendous and overwhelming. I have spent a lot of time on my own, out of choice. This time is essential, as we can’t “Out run” the pain. My approach was to “Go with it”, and not put a timescale on it. As long as the bills were paid, and our adult children were supported (and our border collie), that was all I could manage. I am glad I took that approach as it gave me time to sob, sleep and try self-therapy. I spent a lot of time trying to understand grief and its impact physically and mentally on us. I knew that if I didn’t, I was not going to survive emotionally. At 15 months in, I can now say life is definitely improving. I now know that I will have some quality of life. Sending hugs to all. Kate. Xxx

Thank you Kate. I think I know this deep down but still.have to tell myself that I have to believe it. Xx

Hi alyg, sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment. Im only 6 weeks in and this week has felt like walking through treacle. I cry a lot too. People keep asking me why, but other than 'My husband died, isnt that enough'  i cant explain, it just is.

I just put one foot in front of the other and get through the day. I cant be bothered to cook, its all ready mwals and chocolate. I often cant face any more paperwork.

But I do try to be kind to myself, and accept the way I feel each day. I dont always succeed but I try.

This path we are forced to walk is traumatic and painful and we have to walk it alone. I just hope for people to keep me company from time to time.

Yes, you do walk alone in one way. In another way, you have reached out to others, we are here for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. It has made a huge difference to me over the last year. Kate. Xxx

AlyG

I am the same at 6 months i thought it was just me panic attack wake up at 3 or 4am nervous energy stops me sleeping laying in bed just cannot believe he has gone just  can't accept it. I am very lonely I do sometimes go out with family all friend but feel numb to everything hate seeing couples or hearing family friends talking about partner's getting on with their lives . Have my dog well my husband's dog who I have to get up for to take on walks etc I cry all the time of course i do I miss him soo much it hurts 

This group is amazing. I am confident there is no judgement from anyone only support and the opportunity to be honest about how we feel.

Some people keep telling me that it will get easier, but I literally want to scream at them and say but “Ade is not coming back” and that is what I want. I realise it is a process but it is not fair! 

Too right. Going through this experience l would not presume to tell people it will get better. If people here say so then I will take some hope from that and dare to think it  might in some way...Hard to imagine right now. Well meaning people try but if they aren't on this path they simply cannot understand. On top of that it's all so incredibly personal. 

Yes this group is amazing, comforting and helpful. X

This is not a group I wanted to be part of (no disrespect) but I am grateful for each and every person in it. We all share the loss that other people try to imagine, but I could never have guessed it would have felt like this. 
We had gotten Charlie to keep Ade company while I was still working but I do wonder whether we got him to keep me company now. I have a purpose each day to take Charlie out and to feed, otherwise I struggle to think I would be here. 
I’m hoping that the panic attacks settle down again. They seem to just come over me without any identified trigger. I am a mental health nurse so have always done work with patients about managing panic, but I am not very good at taking my own advice. 
Im glad you have your dog to also give you a purpose x 

I must say that no one on here has said it will get easier. I am referrring to some ‘friends’/ family who are probably well meaning but it doesn’t help x