Pain

I went to a new bereavement group this morning. 
They said I should try the 5,4,3,2,1 method when I start to feel overwhelmed. I should speak out loud.. 

5 things I see in front of me. 
4 things I can hear. 
3 things I can feel. 
2 things I can smell. 
I thing that makes me happy. 

So I did it when I got home.

5 things I see - His casket, his framed photo taken the last time we went to Isle of Wight. OK, look in the other direction, his TARDIS money box. Jeez, another direction. My feet. The empty space on the sofa next to me.

4 things I hear - the clock ticking away another second my beautiful Valen isn’t here. A bus. My tinnitus. The silent silence. 

Going well huh.

3 things I feel - pain. Heartache. A headache.

2 things I smell - rotten fruit in the kitchen. A bonfire. 

1 thing that makes me happy - finishing this exercise.

So that made me feel better. NOT

That just me smile sorry …

I’ve tried some thing like that before and it hasn’t worked for me either maybe I’m not trying hard enough. 

But well done on attending your meeting will you go again???

I have tinnitus in both ears and it’s blimin more noticeable since my husband died.  I am think Of trying to try the masking devices.

I just haven’t been able to switch off today came to bed for a nap and couldn’t nap or relax, I’ve drunk some peptic acid gaviscone liqud my breathing is also struggling today. Big deep breaths But I also have to visit family later for supper so that is probably why I’m wound up that’s before I go! 

However the aroma therapist from the hospice has called and bought forward my appointment on Wednesday which I am looking forward to. 

I have tinnitus too, just the left ear though. The problem is, I keep poking around with a Q-tip. It feels so good. I know I am not meant to, but I will take any form of pleasure I can get. Kate. Xxx

I don’t think I’ll go again. 
They were nice enough. A bit tight knit. All a few years in. They were very much “LooK at us. We are all doing OK. It will pass” like I had flu. 
I prefer the therapy I get from my craft class. 
And the 60 minute offload, cry fest with the mental health nurse every 4 weeks. 

And since I had a long, honest, talk with my brother and sister, their support has become more - supportive. 

And yes, this tinnitus is far more noticeable in this new silence.

I am currently distracting myself with Martine McCutheon being done in by a wheel of cheese in Midsomer

I like the sound of the aromatherapy. 
I will look into that and see if the hospice here does it.

Definitely recommend it - I hadn’t ever had any form of treatment before these aromatherapy sessions. I was going to say I’m more of an active person who would get stuck into gardening, car washing, decorating rather than sitting in a hair or beauty salon but I’m not sure who I am at the moment just not the person I was.

I have cried in both sessions one head neck and shoulder massage and the next was back massage. But relaxed into it and felt better after and the aromathapist is lovely. She understands what I’m going through and can feel my tension.  I felt weird having another persons touch when I have had my husbands big hands to massage me in the past.

(I heard a man today shout out to his wife I can only presume it was his wife on my way from posting a parcel …” LOVE YOU TO”)

God I miss those three words from my husband!!!!!

most was the human touch 

Brilliant. I love Midsomer.xxx