Looking for support from people who have lost their partner

I know,I am listening to ghost love score,looking at my favourite picture of Sue a canvas print I got done. Tears starting but both happy and sad tears. I know it doesn't feel like it, but we were lucky to find each other.

Make sure you take your tablets. Even if you start to rattle. I am sorry you are going through that alone. You also have to eat properly. Look at me trying to be postive. 

Well done that must have been outside your comfort zone. 

That is so good about Valen, you must feel proud. I told the manager at the shop if she wants to mention Sue, please do it might upset me, but I would like it. I think that is what we want people to remember are loved one.

Thank you all for the replies. It really helps me reading through them and to know I'm not alone (I knew I wasn't alone, but hearing from others does help!).

I'm trying to look after myself as best I can as well as my daughter. It's just difficult to have the appetite or desire to cook meals. I was always the "chef" of the house, so cooking is not new to me but the thought of cooking a proper meal just does not appeal to me right now. That being said, we are both still getting fed so I'll just take that for now.

My days seem to come and go - One day can be a really good day, the next is awful. Sleep is a problem at the moment as I seem to be getting very anxious around bed time - Find myself laid there wide awake.

Sorry for rambling, I'm not the best at opening up and showing my emotions. 

You are not rambling. It is still very early for you. Only say what you are comfortable with,if you think you need counselling, talk to your doctor.  That can help you talking to a stranger, and saying things,you can't tell anybody else. I found it helpful and a lot of tears. 

 Everything will be hard,this is your journey on this path. Do not feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to. Only do things when you are ready. Just please try and look after yourself and your daughter. 

 I am afraid there is no magic pill or words on this journey, its just minute to minute, then hopefully hour to hour. The crying does get less,but  I admit it I still cry everyday. 

Take care

Hi I am so sorry that you lost your wife so young.. life is so unfair and cruel.. have you tried widow and young..WAY.. for people under 50. Take care and one hour at a time x

Hi,

I'm sorry to read your post. I'm older than you, but the death of my wife (at the age of 61) has left me lost and bereft. Your comments about struggling during the quiet times, and finding it difficult to get the motivation to do anything at all, ring entirely true - everyone here will get it.

To be somewhat trite, it sounds like you are doing okay: both looking after your daughter, and keeping going in memory of your wife, are duties of love - we all owe that to the partners we have lost. So take the fact that you're managing to do all that as a minor victory. I haven't got kids - it's just me here on my own now - but what principally keeps me going is the promise I made to my wife that I would do so. Had the situation been reversed, and it was me who had gotten ill and died, then I know that I would have both wanted and expected my wife to get on with things, and make the most of her life. So that's what I tell myself that I have to do. (Of course, saying that, and actually managing to achieve it, are two different things ...)

I am not the most sociable guy on the planet, but the one thing which has helped me is talking to other people. So I really recommend that you do that: meeting people in real life is what has helped me.

I myself had some organized bereavement counselling, and it helped. I found group sessions the most helpful and, even though those have now formally wound up, they resulted in continuing support and friendships: we continue to meet up in person for coffee, meals, drinks, and other activities. So I would definitely encourage you to seek out any similar opportunities: see what the Hospice can offer, and also investigate Maggie's (see https://www.maggies.org/) if there is a centre anywhere near you - they are a great organization.

I send you and your daughter my love and best wishes. This is an appalling situation to be in, but it's what we've all got, so we have, somehow, to make it work.

All the very best.

Hi DoOneC, I didn’t expect to be a widow in my 30s either.  My husband died 15 weeks ago tomorrow.  I definitely haven’t accepted it yet. It didn’t help that my Mum died four weeks later too so I’ve been on autopilot since my husband died, making funeral arrangements etc and then doing the same for my Mum.  I find it easier to support my Dad being a widower than accept that I’m a widow myself. 

I went out with my friends and their husbands on Saturday night and found it so hard being with other couples while my husband wasn’t there. That feeling of being alone while surrounded by people - lovely, kind and caring people but who have no idea what I’m going through. I cried myself to sleep that night. I’m not sure I should have had any alcohol. That won’t have helped my mindset.  

I haven’t got any children but my husband has two beautiful daughters so I’m trying to plan lots of fun things to do with them so we can reminisce about their incredible Dad/my fantastic husband. They remind me of him but I find that I feel quite low when they go back to their Mum and I’m alone again. 

Life eh. What is it all about when some of us have to feel such horrendous pain.