My darling Wife passed away almost 20 months ago. I’ve been managing but as we all know life seems like a never-ending nightmare. I have 4 beloved cats to look after including one has just had a big operation and needs six tablets every day. Like an idiot about 10 days ago, I fell and broke my wrist. In the next fortnight, I’m going to have it plated at hospital. There are times when it is so easy to give in to wallowing and self pity. There is no one else at home and I have to manage as best I can. Sometimes I feel that inanimate objects are conspiring against me. If I have trouble opening a bottle, a jar or using the VAC I get so very very angry. I suppose it’s just a case of getting on from day-to-day but my God There are times when life doesn’t seem worth it. I Just felt I had to vent. My best wishes to all in this living nightmare.
Hi Lexis
I am so sorry to hear that your wife passed away almost 20 months ago.
I know through my own experience of losing a loved one to cancer that it is a really difficult time and one full of ups and downs. I found my own grief was a journey and one that is hard to navigate. I found at times I was able to manage- mainly through keeping up with day to day routines- work, family, pets etc but at other times I could feel like everything was falling apart. Some days I coped, some times I didn't. I found Home - Cruse Bereavement Support helpful.
Through my own cancer in 2022 I found that my cats were a comfort and at times kept me going. I have 3. They still needed me to get up and feed them and take care of them and if I did have a rough day where I felt I didn't want to get up and dressed- they certainly "encouraged me" by meowing in my face in the morning to get me up!
I am sorry one of yours has had surgery recently. Always a worry when they are ill. Mine can be a nightmare for taking tablets.
Am sorry also to hear of your fall and fractured wrist- I hope that your hospital treatment goes as well as it can and that you will soon be back home afterwards.
Living alone can makes things feel a struggle. Do you have friends, family, neighbours around that you can call on if needed? I know for me one thing that helped was to try to have a little walk each day, the fresh air and seeing others helped- even if it was just to pop out for milk or a magazine etc. When I was really poorly just moving outside and sitting in the garden would help.
Anger and frustration are both very valid and normal responses to losing someone you love and trying to cope with all the day to day challenges. Sadness is also completely normal and I understand that at times life is not what you had hoped it would be and I get that you question whether it is worth it. During these times it is important to try to reach out to others. Have you had any support from your GP during this time?
If at any point you are feeling low then please do give the Support Line a call. They are there from 8am-8pm daily.
They would also be able to have a look in your local area to see if there is anything close to you that may help.
They will understand the need to vent.
Remember also that NHS111 is there to support with mental health needs as well
0808 808 1677 is the Cruse Bereavement Line
These other links may also help.
Get help with grief after bereavement or loss - NHS
Support and self-care for grief
Samaritans | Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy | Here to listen
I hope this helps a little and I hope that venting on here has helped in someway to get those difficult feelings off your chest.
We are here if you need us.
Jane
You are not alone and we are here when you need us.
