Losing my husband

Hi there, that’s a good question ? How does anyone survive this devastating loss. I am at the moment having a break from cooking a fish pie, for myself and our adult children. I am standing there, boiling the potatoes, thinking to myself; “This is truly horrendous”. I portray strength and fortitude on the outside, but on the inside my soul is broken .I am continually on the verge of tears. I want my husband, and I can’t have him ever again. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better minute, hour or day. Sending hugs to all. Kate. Xxx 

I go to work everyday, smile like I am okay when I am not okay, I will never be okay without him to come home too,instead I walk into the house and crumble, the least thing I see or touch makes me cry, I hug a pillow at night and imagine it's him, I talk to him, then say goodnight, cry some more then get up the next day and repeat, this is horrendous you are right, it's just so hard.

I portray strength and fortitude on the outside, but on the inside my soul is broken.

Smile like I am okay when I am not okay, I will never be okay without him to come home too, instead I walk into the house and crumble.

Yes. These. 

I have just spent half an hour crying into a pillow as quietly as possible so as not to disturb my mum in the next room or my brother and sister-in-law in theirs. 
I went out for a walk by myself in the early morning sun. And to cry. 
My beautiful Valen loved coming to stay with my brother here in Wales. 
Another walk later with them all and a lazy afternoon in the sun. 
The kind of day he loved here with them.

As we all went to bed a round of “What a lovely day” and smiles and “I think I’ll sleep well tonight”. 

Smile. Say what they want to hear. Strong. 
Cry. Scream and scream and scream inside. Precarious fragility.

In answer to your question - No idea how we get through this. But people do. 
At the museum where I work there is a lady whose husband passed away 18 months ago. Another just over 2 years. A gentleman whose wife went 6 weeks ago. And another whose husband went 5 years ago. 
All cried when we talked about our respective loves. But all have been able to find their own pathways through this turmoil to assemble of a life.

I am completely with everyone here, coming up to 4 weeks since I lost my husband and devastation does not even come close. I feel numb, raw and suddenly afraid of this world that I find myself in without him. I read something today that resonated with me and it was titled the reality of loss. Its last sentence reads ‘some things cannot be fixed, they can only be carried’. My grief is not something anyone or me can fix but like others on here, I will do my best to carry it, even if on hands and knees.

Love to all, feeling this same pain. Xx

Hi there, I remember being afraid too. I think it was that my husband was very protective, and a gentleman. Also, just having his physical presence in our home. Also, the cuddles and hugs. The other unwelcome realisation was that all of the responsibility for the house, finances and emotional support for our adult children was up to me. I think I was numb for about three months, I just did it all in survival mode. I think it was sheer bloodymindedness. I made a vow to protect and guide our children. At times, when I can barely function, I do it for them.Sending you hugs. Kate. Xxx

Well it’s 3 months today I lost my darling wife Helen and it hurts just as much as day 1 .the pain of grief is absolutely horrendous also very afraid of the future as it can never be as good as the past as cannot share it no more my heart goes out to all who are suffering this x

It’s been 3 weeks since I Iost my husband of 45 years to cancer, his funeral was yesterday. I got through the day with the help of my children but today I am broken, I don’t think I will ever feel happy again, I just want him to walk in the front door and everything will be back to normal. The grief I feel is just so painful and raw and I don’t know how I will ever feel any different 

Hi Maggie, I am so sorry you are going through this horrific pain. My approach was just to go with it. If I wanted to sob under the quilt, I did. If I wanted to sit on the settee for hours, staring into space, I did. You are still in shock, exhausted mentally and physically. This forum has been a lifeline to me over the last ten months. It is somewhere safe, where you can express your feelings. Try to keep posting if you can, as we are the only ones who truly understand, and can support you. Sending hugs, Kate.xxx 

Thank you Kate and others for understanding, it’s just what I needed.

Hi Smosie  it’s been 16 weeks today since I lost my husband of 42 years & I wish I had answers to all your questions but sadly I don’t .  I miss him so much & he was so brave - we were told as soon as he was diagnosed that there was no cure & sadly because of his diagnosis of Mesothelioma treatment was limited.  He was diagnosed 9 June 2023 & lost  his fight 31 January 2025.  He had started a first in human clinical trial on 2 December 2024 & we were so hopeful that things would improve - not thinking for one minute that things would deteriorate quicker than at anytime since diagnosis .  I still can’t believe he has gone - I miss him so much it hurts.  I feel like you - everything seems pointless without him.  I have one son & one grandson but some days I don’t feel like  even they are a protective factor but I know my head is all over the place at the moment & they are suffering too.  It is a horrendous place to be.  

I really wish I could be more positive but I really am struggling.  I am so sorry for my negativity & hope that someone can give you something to be positive about. Xx