First day alone

I understand how you feel. You’re right this is an horrific journey that non of us want to be on. I find nights and early morning are the worst. I distract myself for most of the day but can’t settle at night. Love to you x

Hi, I an sorry for your loss.  Due to distance etc I did not see any family or friends for over a week. Until I had to travel to Yorkshire for my dad's funeral.  Then I had to come home and finish planning my wife's funeral.  Its hard and to be honest it's still hard. You will manage and I am glad you have some support. Take care one step at time and be good to yourself. 

I just thought i would let you know I am thinking about you. It is so, so, hard.  Your son sounds like an amazing person. He is doing his best to support you. Crying is a good thing, as it lets the pain out. I expect you are still in shock. You must be exhausted, mentally and physically. My husband passed nine months ago from kidney cancer. I also have a son who is trying to look after his mum. We take each day as it comes, and talk about how we are feeling. Sending you hugs, Kate. Xxx

I have a son who is very supportive too, we’re very lucky to have them aren’t we.

I know crying is a release but for some reason I distract myself when I’m upset and stop myself from crying. I just think if start crying I won’t be able to stop and I don’t want people thinking I’m attention seeking.

I agree, we are so very lucky to have such caring and supportive sons.Today the sun is shining,so I will spend time in the garden tending to the flowers and veg patch.Then when son comes back later today he will see that I am not just sitting here sad and crying all the time, which may stop him worrying about me all the time.

This is also what we would probably have been doing on a normal day as well, which makes me feel close to hubby.Hopefully this will make smile rather than cry.

Enjoy your day x

I’m taking my 3 year old granddaughter to a farm to feed the animals which will be nice

You are certainly not attention seeking. This is probably the hardest and most upsetting experience you have had in your life. Initially, I didn’t cry much, as there was so much to organise. Somehow, I managed to do it. Afterwards, I knew that I had to let the emotion out otherwise I would go bonkers. Everyone is different. Sending hugs. Kate. Xxx

Thanks Kate - it’s just an emotional roller coaster isn’t it. Today I’m upset because I can’t remember the feel of his skin. I held his hand and stroked his arm all day before he passed. In the first few days I could still feel him but now I can’t, it’s horrible

Hello Mya!

I get where you are coming from with the crying thing only thing is I was never able to do that when Jay passed and I thought it was very strange that it was something that came `part and parcel` with the grieving stage. I could never stop crying when he was going through his treatment though. Finally the tears have began to come and they can just happen out of the blue but it's like a relief and release when it does happen because it feels better once I've got it all out getting rid of all that stored up emotion. Yes I have a son too. He lives not far from me with my daughter-in-law and little granddaughter. He is very deep though when it comes to talking about his dad. I usually get replies in words of one syllable with a `yes` or `no` when I bring up something his dad used to do or what he and his dad used to do. I don't ask how he's feeling though I just let him get through it in his own way and he will have that in getting through it himself. He just got married in February there so they are settling into married life. Just a bit bittersweet that his dad wasn't there for his special day but neither was my daughter-in-laws mum she sadly passed just last year from stomach cancer. We get there though eventually. Best wishes to you moving forwards. Take Care. 

Vicky. 

The crying is not attention seeking Lillipad. It's a release. I had been wanting it to happen for a long time and it wasn't which I felt was strange like I `should` be doing it but just couldn't and once it happened It was a release and a relief.