And So Another Day Passes

Thank you for sharing. Whatever I say won’t be enough, my only thought might be that I hope tomorrow is as gentle as possible for you. 

I don't know what to say. I just hope you are OK ish.

You are doing things which is good. I hope in the future I can follow your example. I know I am behind you on the path 2 months yesterday. The only time I see someone is the grief counsellor.  Made myself go for a walk yesterday ended up at a church and I did a candle for Sue.  I am not religious but my only hope is that we get to see each other again.

I just put the TV on but don't watch it and cry. I didn't know we could cry for so long.

Take care and keep going please.  You and other people on here have been my life line.

Your doing things which is a start and even that is not easy I know, I cried for months after my wife past away, I would go for my daily walk and at some stage cry, it’s grief it’s what we do, we have lost a friend 

i know this might sound trite and all the other guff, but it does get easier, it never really goes, but anger , tears down, days, turn ever so slowly to a memory that you laugh at to yourself, then a story about you partner that you tell others and make them smile.

it never goes completely away and why should it, things were precious, I am seven years in now, in a new relationship, but still tell stories about Adele and smile , have the odd down day, but life is for living , don’t waste it I sure Valen would not want you to.

Take good care of yourself and live for both of you.

After I wrote this I had a conversation with an old friend. 
He lost his son in an accident and didnt get the chance to say goodbye. To talk about their love, laugh and cry together as we did. 
He turned to alcohol, but after the support of AA he is recovering. 
He said to me “Something I was told which has helped me on my dark days…..You can start or restart your day at any time, it doesn’t have to be when you get up”. 

I was crying as I woke up, got up. Raging, ranting, sobbing as the wave hit me. 
I managed to get my coffee, but today, instead of doing my jigsaw I went and sat outside in the little sun trap I have been working on in the garden. 
Sitting in the sun, my crying easing, his words came back to me. 
So when I finished my coffee, that was when today started. 

Another friend I saw today said “you have built this 6 month mark up into almost mythological proportions. But when it comes down to it, it’s just another day without him”. 
Looking back, she is right. 

And it’s been a surprisingly good day. 
xx

 I am so pleased that you have had a pleasant day. I have not been sleeping well, and crying myself to sleep most nights. Last night, I got up at about 3am, and read my self-help grief book. One of the areas I am struggling with is ‘What is my purpose now’. ‘How do redefine myself ?’ I probably sound like a complete fruit-cake. I have decided to explore my own feelings about spirituality more. I have found a link to my darling Paul, and it is bringing me comfort. Sending hugs to all. Kate. Xxx 

This is true Leehebs. 

I still talk about Jay but still feels weird to talk about him in a past tense. I tell my son remember when your dad did this/that etc then something will come on the TV that he used to have an opinion on and I remember that. But it's what happens now that I find sad things that have happened recently that he's not here for me to share with. The most recent big event was our son got married and he wasn't here for that. It was a lovely day but bittersweet and just tinged with some sadness but I know he would have been around somewhere joining in with the celebrations. Things like this that still `get you` when something happens that he's not here to see. 

Vicky. 

I had a really good session with my counsellor today and she said something that has so resonated with me that today has been a good day. 
No crying at the door, or the threshold or when I told Valen all about it. 

She said that I am in a maze. 
I will hit brick walls where the grief is so intense I cant see a way out. 
Or I hit a hedge, where I can push through the crying. 
I will take steps backwards. Feel like I’m not making any progress. Feel I am not going forward. Cant see a way onwards.
There are times where the maze seems impenetrable and I want to give up. Stop and sit and do nothing.

But if I call out. Reach out. Ask for help. 
Or stop. Be still. Rest. Regroup. 
Allow myself, give myself permission to have a bad day.
Then a new path opens up. I can take a step forward. 
I will see a little sunlight.

At the centre of the maze is the amalgam that is me. 
The old me. The Valen-me. The now me. The as yet to be me. 
It will take time to navigate this maze. It’s not a race.

i like this. I can see this. I can do this 

xx

That is a lovely analogy. That is exactly how it feels. It is about trusting ourselves, and letting ourselves rest and taking time to regroup. I have also had a decent day. Kate.xxx

This maze analogy is so helpful. Today has been a hard day as if i've gone backwards when I thought I was doing OK this week; but reading this helps make some sense of it. Thank you for sharing it. xx

I was explaining the maze to a friend and asked her if she has ever been in one. 
She said she had, got lost and was for a moment scared she would never get out. 
I told her that is what I go through daily.

I can find myself in a very dark, bleak corner. And no matter what I do I can’t see a way out. 
But then the wall dissipates and I can step forward. 
I am in a near continuous state of confusion, disoriented and searching. 
But then I see a clear path. 
There are times I just don’t know which way to turn. Every path I look down has no end in sight and I don’t know which path to take. 
But I get to the end of another day. 

Its been 6 months since my beautiful Valen was ripped from me and I feel I am making more correct turns in my maze in the last few weeks. 
I know I will stumble, get scared, feel lost, feel alone, hide in a dark corner. 
I know the walls will close in on me, be unable to navigate this maze world. 
But I have seen glimpses of the sunlight. And at times family and friends have come and held my hand and led me out those dark corners into the sunshine.

So I go on. 
Hugs To all xx