Hello to all
I've just found this group - the one that no-one wants to belong to!
My husband died at the end of April last year, from metastatic bladder cancer, which progressed very fast. He started chemo in February, had 3 sessions, and by a week after the last one he was bedridden.
We live (I still think in terms of "we") in Greece, and the hospital experience was, frankly, awful. I can't get past my anger at the way he was treated - not medically, but the lack of nursing care, and being shunted from one hospital to another; or being constantly told I had to care for him at home, when he had become paralysed in his lower body, and I couldn't lift him. Thanks to a wonderful friend I had support at the end, and I was with my husband when he died, but it was just awful.
Initially, like many people, I was busy sorting out "sadmin", both in the UK (which I managed myself) and here. The Greek side is still not finished, but I think I'm getting there, finally, but it's incredibly frustrating. My main issue is lack of energy or the desire to do anything constructive. Wasting far too much time on social media/playing games, and procrastinating like crazy. It's as if my whole system has rebelled and won't co-operate. Since 2017 I have lost 3 of the most important people in my life - my father, from oesophageal cancer, my beloved aunt during covid, and now the love of my life. We'd been married 42 years, and I was clueless about living on my own to start with; it had always just been us against the world. In 2021 I had a radical hysterectomy for endometrial cancer, and radiotherapy. Touch wood, all is well, and I'm still on 6 month check ups, for which I have to travel to Athens from Crete, which is home. Just before Christmas I had to have my oldest dog pts, just to add to the misery. I think I have reached rock bottom, and I can't stop crying some days. I have used a very good online grief course, and revisit it regularly, but I just want to feel better.
