Another lonely Sunday

Hi Mel!

You're definitely not alone with this. Don't know what it is about weekends for us bereaved individuals but the weekends seem to be the worst time. For me, there are no weekends anymore and the days just seem to morph into one another some days I just forget what day it actually is. Saturdays seem to have become a `child minding day` for me. I look after my little granddaughter sometimes on a regular basis on that day as my son gets the opportunity of regular overtime then and it is a regular shift day for my future daughter in law. Sundays are traditionally known as a `lazy day` but it's also a day when you sit and reflect and contemplate what the new week will bring. Weekdays now for me are the days when I try to get things done and try to be occupied when my husband was here we were hardly home always out doing something and I miss that and sometimes it's no fun trying to make the effort on your own but you just try to get up and do it. Sometimes it works and sometimes I just have no incentive to do anything at all but things do eventually get done. I'd love to take on some big major re decorating project to the house but I am still not in the right frame of mind to do that and when I want to do something like that I want to do it right and not just for the sake of getting it done. It will come eventually though but when is another thing. You don't say how long ago you lost your husband if it is just recent or not. I am 18 months in from losing mine. Still trying to find the `new me` after us being together for 40 years. She's in there somewhere but just very slowly but surely starting to make her way out. My best wishes to you in moving forward. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Hi Vicky, thanks for taking the time to respond.

It's 10 1/2 weeks since I lost my husband so early days I know. We were together all of the time, except when working, and I feel totally lost without him. It also happened too quickly, less than 4 weeks from diagnosis although he was suffering for a couple of months before that. Still too quick to take in though, I'm only 52 and I didn't expect to lose him. 

I am trying to keep busy but it's so hard and I struggle to imagine #(or want) a life without him by my side. We were so happy and it's so unfair. 

Thank you for your kind wishes, I wish you all the best too.

Mel 

Hi Mel,

Sorry you are struggling today. My experience was similar - a few innocuous seeming symptoms then a stage 4 cancer diagnosis and my husband died within a few weeks, before he was able to start treatment. I'm a similar age to you to, and it just doesn't feel real to be ticking 'widowed' in the endless admin. That was back in the spring, and I do remember that once the initial shock started to wear off, and the initial focus of managing the funeral etc was out of the way, the sense of being alone really kicked in. 

I actually think that the time of year doesn't help. On one hand, it seems like everyone is gearing up for celebrations and good times with family, which means you feel the loss extra hard. And it is also dark, cold and miserable. 

Yesterday was the winter solstice though, so I am taking comfort in the fact that we are past the darkest time of the year. We hear it all the time, but I think it really is true that you just have to take things a step at a time. Be proud of what you achieve each day - that might be making yourself go out for some fresh air, or eating something nourishing. These are all achievements in the early days of your grief. 

I know we are all different, but my experience is that things are becoming easier. I still cry at some point every day, and the pain can be physical, but I am also able to do things that I enjoy.

I've been reading a lot about grief and bereavement and one of the things that really hit home is that we tend to feel guilt when we enjoy things, as if that's a betrayal. But it's clear from the people posting here that we will never forget the love we have shared, or the people we have lost. It's all still very fresh for you, but I hope and believe that you will find that things get a bit less hard in time.

Take care.