Dating

My wife died 2 months ago, and I am missing intimacy and companionship. An off the cuff chat with a friend led me to an online dating app.

After signing up, I was racked with guilt, almost to the point of looking over my shoulder to make sure she wasn't seeing what I was doing.

I spoke to my counsellor today, and had a good chat about my feelings.

I have made contact with a local lady and there is definitely a physical attraction there. We plan to go on a date sometime before Christmas.

I have been open and honest about what happened in the last few months, and she was totally understanding, and has agreed to go as slow as I want.

I think she is cute, and has really stunning eyes. We have a lot in common too, musically and hobby wise.

Please don't think I am wanting to erase my wife, its never going to happen. I have several memorial tattoos on my arms and chest, so that isn't going to happen.  And if this lady cannot accept that, she isn't the right one for me.

I am worried about guilt, the reaction of my family, and upsetting my date. I know timing if personal to each of us. My wife and I spoke prior to her death, she told me to move on and enjoy life, either alone or to find someone else.

I am scared, as I don't want to miss the opportunity to be happy either. Not saying that she is the one for me, but in future if she was and I missed the chance, I know I would regret it.

Sorry for the rambling, this has been spinning round in my head for days.

My question is, to those who went on a date after the death of a spouse, how did you cope with the complete roller coaster of emotions?

For background, I am not spiritual or religious, I don't believe she is still with me, nor her ghost, and me moving on will not upset her. She died, I feel lonely and need someone to share my life with. I think I deserve happiness

I spoke with my step daughter today, and she was supportive, but the rest of the family don't (and won't) know that I feel this way and am looking for a companion