Back to work

I'm so sorry you have lost your partner and now you have to deal with work!

We know there are procedures to follow but the human touch seems to have been lost.

I was also given sickness absence after the death of my husband and did not feel like I would ever be able or care enough to return to my job. 

I was able to discuss this with my boss and asked for a period of un paid leave. I took a full year off. Luckily I was financially able but I did need the full year to process everything we had been through.  

Is this something you could do or request a phased return or a reduction in hours for a while?

You have to do what you feel is right and you can manage.

Take care 

My beautiful Valen was taken from me 26th September.

I initially had a sick certificate from 28th August for 2 months when we were given his terminal diagnosis.
I now have a sick certificate until 28th December.

if, and that’s a very big and unlikely if, I feel up to it I will reduce hours and phase back. 
The way I feel now, and with his favourite time of year, Christmas, coming up I will be in no state to work.
I am incredibly lucky that my work is understanding.

To be honest I really don’t think I will go back. 
I am a phlebotomist and HCA and really don’t think I will cope back in that environment.

Nearer the end of certificate time I intend to start looking for a part time job close to home.

On a practical note for you, as what I have typed is of no help to you

Do you have someone to come with you as both support and an advocate for you?

Hi Heather 21,

I am almost 10 months after hubby died from gastric cancer. 

I remember that feeling well of how can I even manage at work.

I felt pressured to return to work as was hitting peak business period. I returned 3 months after my husband died. I honestly don't know how I have managed to get to here.

I have found somehow I just manage by doing a day at a time. If you can afford to take longer my advice is take at least another month, I wish I had.

If you need to go back a phased return is ESSENTIAL, I had a month of increasing hours each week.

I went into work before starting to get the hellos over with. I had mentally prepared how I was going to handle questions. My preferred was to shut it down and change the subject but personally I keep working and personal separate.

The other thing to consider is your work place.  Are you able to take time if you need it. I can remove myself with no fuss easily if I need 5 mins to take a break. I do find focus hard but I just keep trying and hope it improves. Some days are hard and some days I think the distraction is a positive.

Hope that helps. X

My husband passed 1st August and I had just arranged the month off for his palliative care, but he had other ideas

I'm a self employed, beauty therapist, with my own business. My clients were wonderful, I came back to work at the beginning of September. I'd done everything I could with paperwork and had my husbands funeral over in Ireland. 

I needed routine again, I also needed money.

It was tough, those first few days, as everyone wanted to know, what happened, why was it so quick. 

I worked reduced hours the first 2 weeks, and that really helped. 

Unfortunately employers have a structure to follow, hopefully they will listen to you and take your needs into consideration.

Love and hugs xx