Am I going crazy?

Hi Carpetbagger welcome to the forum and NO you are most certainly not going crazy. I am assuming that this is the first time since your husband died that you have been back to what was his hometown and I can imagine that this will invoke lots of happy memories for you as well as reminding you of your great loss. You are still grieving so cut yourself some slack, there is no written guide for finding our way through grief and and I feel sure that your husband will be with you in spirit if not in presence. 

Hope its helped to verbalise that in here. xx

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes it will be the only time I’ve ever been there without him. Xx

Hi Carpetbagger!

No I don't think you're going crazy we all deal with grief in different ways maybe this is yours or maybe you are still in denial that your husband has gone. Some days with me something will happen and I'll say `I must tell Jay (my late husband) about that` and then I stop myself and remember I can't because he's not here. I have been having very vivid dreams about him recently and they just feel so real and then I wake up and realise that's all it was and I definitely am on my own. I'm 16 months in now from losing him and still can't comprehend he is gone. I have been trying to move forward be it slowly but surely. I've noticed little `signs` that I think he has been sending though that he is still around. I have a little loveheart ashes pendant I wear with some of his ashes in it and now and again it falls off and a few times I have got very anxious that I have lost it outside but luckily it has been in the house. I go to his photo when this happens and tell him to `stop it` and it does- for a little while then it will happen again and I just think it is him telling me he's around looking out for me. I still have `off days/weeks` also my `f**k it` weeks as I call them where I don't want to go out see anyone or do anything but they pass. Keep coming here we will all `get` what you are all going through and most of us like yourself will have our own little `quirks` in dealing with grief. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Thank you for replying. Yes I still think I must tell or ask him something frequently. Well the funeral service was yesterday and it was lovely to hear stories of when the two brothers were little. I also received some childhood photos of my husband that I’d never seen before. It was hard to go around all his old haunts and homes he’d lived in but also made me feel closer to him. A difficult day but full of happy memories x