My wife passed away last week after 2.5 year battle with oesophageal cancer. She had chemo, the op, all clear and the promise from the consultants that she will make it 5 year mark. It all came back with a vengeance 7 months ago.
Social media and news are full of ‘peaceful death’ - people in hospice lying peacefully saying love you and taking their last breath.
Reality was not like anything like that, she was in pain for the last few days that could not be controlled, throwing up, very agitated (she was the calmest person I know so it was not her and probably combination of the meds), uncomfortable and none of the medications could help. I would like to start grieving and start thinking about wonderful times that we had but I can’t get the last few horrible days that she had out of my head.
I saw on another post that approx 50% of cancer deaths are not peaceful. Is it true and ‘peaceful death’ is what people want to hear and what people say?
She died in a private hospital where she received the treatment and they were wonderful and exemplary every single time but one of her consultants who was not there at the time wrote a letter which said that her death was peaceful. I am so angry about this lie.
Hiya. I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s something we seem to just roll of the tongue on this page, but an unfortunate reality. I’m just over 4 months into this grief journey, wanted to end it and had no reason to go, all the usual emotions - but I’m still here, fighting on as my wife would want me to.
Does it get easier? I don’t know, personally I have improved a bit, dealing better with everyday life, but using some tools to help me cope (my motorbike). I also opted for some bereavement counselling , and I’m starting group sessions in October, it’s good to be able to talk to someone.
The pain will dull with time, and you’ll learn to live differently, it won’t be easy and you’ll be up and down like a rollercoaster, but know this..you are not alone. We are all here to help and support each other through the most difficult time of our lives.
Just keep breathing, allow yourself time, don’t try and stifle those emotions. One small baby step at a time x
Sending you my love 
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