Loss of my wife 2 years on, still missing her - will it get easier?

Hello Andrew!

I am just a year in from losing my dear husband from bowel cancer. The year has gone so quick but for me feels as though time has stood still in a way. I have achieved a lot of little things over the last year and I would like to think my husband is somewhere giving his seal of approval that I have been able to go on without him which when he was dying I didn't think I could. Grief affects everyone differently some get over it quicker than others and can learn to live with their grief and some may not get over the loss of a loved on at all. I really can't say at what stage I am at. I can't say if it will get easier just being a year in I have just sort of `gone with the flow` this past year and been trying to find a `new me` after having someone by my side for 40 years. I don't know if you have had any counselling or would consider it. Please feel if you need to, to contact the helplines here at MacMillan I have reached out to them a lot over the last year as well as other sources. MacMillan set me up with some phone counselling through Marie Curie and you get 6 free sessions. Just having someone call you once a week who understands to check in on how you are and just to chat really helped me. I didn't want to be here at the beginning when my husband was dying but getting counselling made me see that I do have people here I need to be here for. There is also these forums and just keep coming on here and talk when you need to as everyone will `get` what you are going through. My best wishes to you going forward. 

Vicky. 

I did have counselling went to a woman for about 3 months  I didn't like going so  haven't been again ,I've used this forum for  while and it helps I might try cruz and I  might give Marie curie a g thanks I she meant everything to me ️

Hi Andrew

I am at the 20 months mark.

The second year is tough as you are forced more frequently to accept your partner has gone but at the same time you realise you can do as you please so you can still opt not too. 

I was browsing my husband's phone and photos he took today, as if somehow his eyes are still active. He was there larger than life.... 

I live in Spain,  and this weekend has been the summer festival of San Juan which is especially  celebrated in  Cataluña and in the village I live My husband was called Juan Luis, so it was his saints day and birthday next week. It's a great celebration of the summer ahead and start of the school holidays 

Somehow I feel he can't be absent... 

Any help to share our grief and be understood helps. 

Every day is an up and down onwards to keep busy and find purpose and keep the memories. 

Might be interesting if you can pick up some more counselling sessions. 

Sending hugs to allxxxx

I do keep busy I run 3 to 4 days a week I get lonely at the weekends when I'm in the house by myself I don't see our friends anymore because one friend is having treatment for leukemia ,I will be seeing the kids in 2 weeks time and grandkids so I've got that to look forward to

On Tuesday it was my 20th wedding anniversary which was very hard for ne to deal with I had no one around me to talk to or spend time with so  I went to visit Jean ️

I can relate. Not even 4 months. 

Everyone says it gets easier but I don't think it will iwish I could turn back time to the first time I met Jean

The weekends are the worst I will agree with you there. Weekdays you can find things to do and I have tried to set little routines for myself on what days I do what. I am retired but I am also carer for my sister I'm still seeing her through her cancer diagnosis although at present everything for her seems to be in the clear just awaiting results of what I have been told are `routine` scans. She has mild learning difficulties so I need to be here to help her out with certain things. She can be independent to an extent go out on her own etc but there are things she needs me for like things in authority banking, bills insurances etc. Some weeks the routines work and some weeks they don't some days I still get very overwhelmed by things and say `what is the point`? and other days I want to be up and at whatever it is I want to do. It's still a rollercoaster of emotions for me just now although I am a year in from losing Jay but as you say Andrew the weekends are definitely the worst. Sometimes I don't recognise days anymore there is no Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday just `days` that all seem to morph into one another just like they did during covid. I am hoping things will turn around for me in time and things will get better too. My best wishes to you moving forwards.

Vicky