Just became a widow

Welcome and I'm so very sorry for the loss of your husband.

I don't think any of us know how we will live without our other halves but some how we do. I hope you have family and friends to comfort and listen to you. 

Posting on here helps, we all understand.  Take care 

Hello I hoped not to join this group for several months but unfortunately my dearest wife had very unexpected hemorrhage she had we thought a chest infection in November  2  course's of antibiotics did nothing so followed xrays scans and biopsies she had a 7.8cm tumor in right lung and lymph nodes in chest and above collar bone ( thyroid gland ) a mixture of 2 chemo and imuno therapy was scheduled for 1st Monday in March it was planned as 3 times of 3 weekly courses for the chemo and 2 years of imuno. Thursday before she had pain in groin which we thought was a trapped nerver associated groin pain with lung cancer managed to get to treatment centre by using a borrowed walking frame and wheelchair they immediately ordered an xray which showed Cancer had eaten away bone from top of left femur( ball part of hip) operation then to replace bone came home 10 days later but after 5 days she had a blockage of Bowel back in hospital where they managed to unblock without surgery but scan showed Cancer in  kidneys came home again on Sunday 31st of March on Thursday 4th April I was awoken by coughing and a callof Dave help me. She had blood pouring from mouth  phoned 999 and despite my efforts at CPR and after about 5/6 minutes ambulance service came and took over but sadly she passed away. A post mortem showed that Cancer had eaten into a major artery. In July of 2022 I had been diagnosed with bowel cancer and after radiotherapy then chemotherapy  I had surgery and as my wife had long running non cancerous bowe problems for many years the surgeon decided to do surgery for both of us on same day  she had a stoma and I had a stoma and removal of anus/rectum. We thought then that we were done with Cancer. Then as detailed she became ill resulting in her death. 3 weeks before she passed away I had a scan to check that my bowel cancer had not returned which was fine absolutely no Cancer in bowel but spotted a nodule on right lung so an urgent PET scan a week or so after.  The day after my wife passed a doctor phoned me and said they were 95% sure I had lung cancer and I have an appointment with a thoracic surgeon on 3rd of May and will almost certainly need an operation. Sorry to give such a long winded post but I think I had to explain why I feel tht Cancer  is determined to wipe away my family it's got one and is now having a 2nd attempt at me. My wife's funeral is on Tuesday 30th April and until that is over I can't tell anyone about my new Cancer as I want everyone thinking about her. 

Hello Lotus

So sorry for your loss. It is hard to decide what would be best for our partners. My husband wanted to come home and pass away here but he was just too weak to leave hospital and so just had to stay there He was admitted to hospital numerous times during his treatment. He passed with bowel cancer and at one point they got rid of it when he got his surgery to remove the tumour in January 2022 and was told he was in remission (they never tell you if you are cured). I asked should he not have some post op chemo just as a precaution incase anything was still there and was told it was not necessary but lo and behold after a follow up appointment five months later with his surgeon he received a letter to say blood tests had shown his CEA markers had risen and they requested a further CT scan which showed the cancer had returned. From then on it was a downward spiral. More chemotherapy made him really ill and had to finally be withdrawn due to kidney damage. Further admissions to hospital with Sepsis followed and it was his 4th bout and the advancing cancer which finally took him last June (2023). It is hard I won't lie adjusting I'm still doing it 10 months on but like you I'm relieved in a way that all his suffering is over and he is back with his mum and dad and brother and sister in law and all our loved ones gone before. Some days things will happen that I want to share with him but he's not here for me to do that. As a cruel twist of fate my older sister was diagnosed with bowel cancer two months after my husband passed. Luckily though they caught her's very early and were able to get rid of it and she is recovering well. Ironically she had breast cancer 5 years ago which they were able to catch early also so she has been very lucky. Sadly though my son's future mother-in-law passed last Friday also from cancer. I just wonder sometimes if it will end. Now my son and his fiancee have both lost a parent within 10 months of each other. They are getting married next year so this means too they both have a parent missing from the celebrations. I just ask myself somedays `why`? `why is this happening` ? and just pray things will get better soon. My best wishes to you moving forward. Take Care. 

Vicky xx