I'm Looking Around

I'm always very conscious that my husband never set much store by material things - so I know any holding on to things is entirely in my head, or my sons. His work photo badge is still in the pot by the door, because one of my sons likes to see it there - but I find myself thinking, how long do I leave it before moving it into some sort of memory box, to look in when you want, rather than seeing it every day? Its just 6 months since my husband died. We sorted lots of his clothes in the Easter holidays when the boys were home from uni - it was important to me to get it done, but I was quite physically weak kneed when it was done - a wave of something I wasn't expecting. His hobby stuff is proving much slower to pass on.

I wander around our house by myself now, feeling that I have become the unwilling custodian of four people's things. Cleaning them and keeping them safe is too big a job for one person. I am trying to sort and let go, but so slowly it will take another 50 years at least ... I've started keeping a list of each area I sort and the date, just to look back and remind myself I have done some, when I look around and it doesn't seem like I've even started.