Hello.. im not much of a writer but here goes .... I recently lost my wife to cancer after almost 30 years together .every days a challenge , i have friends wanting to be there for me and as you all know theres a but...,But they havent experienced the pain of watching the one youve devoted your life to be taken from you in such a cruel and painful way. Its early days yet , i know i have a long journey ahead of me but finding this site and reading various posts has made me feel safer and stronger ,so much so ive joined to post this and say how much better it feels being able to talk to others who know the world ive recently entered .All i wanted when we discovered she had cancer was to take her place so she could have a few more years , unfortunatly that wasnt possible .
Welcome to the club nobody wants to join, but there is so much compassion, comfort and support from strangers going through and knowing exactly how you are feeling.
Friends and family can only offer so much comfort but unless they have been through it themselves it's very difficult.
Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help, or say no. Some days are alot harder than others.
May I perhaps be the first to say I am very sorry for your loss and know exactly how you must be feeling. It is so true about this site which has helped me so much. Even with all my recent woes about my facial rash ! A place where you are not judged, but there is always someone undergoing the exact same as you. The understanding and support given, no matter how small, is immense.
Early days for you yet I am afraid. Take things slowly. Breathe and take each day as it comes. It is still raw and painful for you. Friends will come and go, unfortunately. Do you have family ?
It all takes time but we are here for you.
Hugs are necessary!
Fifinet
As Voltaire, the French writer said " I am going to be happy because it is good for my health "
hi Fifi, thankyou for a warm welcome , i understand the facial rash , i have skin loss to parts of my head and face due to the stress of it all .. Fortunatly i have family , unfortunatly they return to their homes and work tomorrow . im relieved i found this community i can talk to when i need to whatever the time of day and yes hugs are the way forward . Sending you a big hug for your welcoming words . By the way, my wife is a Fifi too.....
Thankyou Ruby Diamond , yes kind of a select club for all the wrongest reasons there are , but we are here and one day at a time with a lot of hugs and releasing emotions we can hopefully get through this . Its still all new to me and will be the hardest thing ive ever done.....but here im in great company of like minded folk who believe in the power of the hug and sharing .
Welcome to the forum. Yes as Fifi and Ruby have mentioned we are all on this horrible journey of losing our loved ones and good there is places like this to come when we feel really down or need to let off steam. I was just 9 months in last weekend (24th March) from losing my husband Jay to bowel cancer last June (2023) it has gone so quick yet felt so long. We were together 40 years and as you say it is a shock to the system when someone you have spent a lifetime with is suddenly taken from you. The worst for me though is he went into remission for 5 months after getting his tumour removed in January 2022 only for it to return in May that year and this time it wasn't leaving without him. I did ask should he have got post op chemo or radiotherapy to catch any stray cells which were maybe there and obviously were but was told no that it was not necessary and it had gone but there in May after blood tests it was shown CEA markers had risen and a CT scan confirmed it had returned. Further chemotherapy made him very ill and had to eventually be withdrawn because of kidney damage caused. Four bouts of sepsis followed and it was the 4th one along with the advanced cancer which eventually took him last June. Just two months later my older sister also got a diagnosis of bowel cancer but her's was caught in its very early stages and she has been told she will go on to make a full recovery. Every day like Princess Kate she is getting stronger and Bless Kate I hope they can do something for her. My sister ironically had breast cancer 5 years ago and managed to beat that too they don't know if the bowel cancer was a secondary maybe coming from her breast cancer but she will continue to be monitored regularly so it's been quite a few months for me personally and just hope the worst is over. Please come on here when you need to. We are all here for each other. Take Care
There is not much anyone can say that can or will take away the pain of your loss. I also lost my wife of thirty year to this insidious disease, but my Adele left me six years ago , people will and do say all sorts of things to you, but one which I sure you do not believe at the moment is that things will get better, honest, I went from a weeping wreck slowly to some some one who can talk and laugh about our life together, the good times. We owe it to our lost loved ones to live our lives to the full, for both them and ourselves. Take care
I lost my wife to cancer five months ago. We had been together for 38 years, and I still can't really believe what's happened. We don't have any kids or anything, so now it's just me left.
Like you, I wished it were me who had gotten the death sentence, rather than her: she was a very good person, and she had suffered enough with various health conditions for more than ten years. But, to be honest with myself, there was also a selfish reason for my wish: I didn't want to be the one left behind.
The entire thing is agony. But, when you think about it, in any long-term loving relationship, one half of the couple is eventually going to be left on their own.
I haven't got any good advice to give you. All I tell myself at the moment is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I promised my dear wife that I would carry on and try to live a good life - so that's what I'll try to do. Since my wife's death, I have had plenty of black thoughts, for sure - but I push them away, and try to remember that I am a lucky man to have had 38 years with a loving and supportive partner. Many people never experience anything like that.
For myself, I have found that physical activity helps, as does the company of friends. I was a pretty solitary person before this disaster befell me, but I now realize that I absolutely relied on my wife for all kinds of emotional support.
I wish you the very best, and all the resilience you can muster. You are not alone.
