Broken

So sorry to hear you've become eligible for this group.

At this stage your emotions will be up and down all the time. Just don't be too hard on yourself. 

I am so sorry your husband passed away so quickly after his diagnosis, i had 17 months after my husband was diagnosed with glioblastoma not that the extra time i had made it any easier for me. Eight months on i still think he might walk back through the door and all this has just been one big nightmare. Sorry you also had to lose your dog as well, i know how a pet is a huge part of the family. I do not really have any advice i can give you i am afraid, as there is nothing that can be said to make this better. Take care of yourself.

I'm so sorry that you have had to go through all this.  I had about 6 months after diagnosis with my husband.  He was in and out of hospital a few times before passing over there - I wasn't with him and will always regret that but his condition changed so quickly and he died at 15 mins past midnight before the hospital had chance to contact me.  Although I did see him within half an hour.  I still feel he is at the hospital and that I need to visit him or that I will get a call to say he's coming home.  I'm carrying on and surviving but part of me has not accepted that he has gone despite sitting looking at his ashes container.  All I can say is that you are not alone and you can always find someone on here who understands.  xx

I am so truly sorry that you have found yourself part of this group that none of us would ever imagine being a member of.

I'm so sorry that your husband has died. It's heartbreaking.

My husband, Chris, died in October 2022 only 25 days after being diagnosed with small cell lung cancer.  It was so quick that like you I hadn't had time to get my head around the fact he had cancer, nevermind for him to die so quickly.

You are still at a very early stage of your grief and at this point don't be hard on yourself. Take each day one hour at a time, some days you may only manage minute by minute. Eat small amounts, drink fluids and breathe.  Grief can only be lived with at your pace. Only do what feels right for you, even though life as you knew it has been shocked to it's very foundations.

I wish there were words to make you feel better, but all I can offer is support and understanding.  You are not alone.

Sending you thoughts of comfort, peace, love and light xx Rachael

Hi There! 

So sorry to hear of your husband's passing. I am 9 months in this weekend from losing my husband back in June last year (2023). He fought bowel cancer for almost two years and at one point going into remission when he got his tumour cut out in January 2022. But fate dealt us a cruel hand and it came back for him 5 months later in May 2022 and decided this time it was taking him. He had to endure further courses of chemotherapy which in the end made him very ill and caused kidney damage so had to be withdrawn completly. He also endured 4 bouts of sepsis and it was the 4th one along with his advanced cancer that finally took him on June 23rd 2023. He fought so hard though and just took about everything they could throw at him. I am still trying to get my head round it like yourself and some days too I still can't comprehend that he his gone and still think he is going to come through the door.  Would have been his 70th birthday last month (February) so couldn't hang on for that. He did though manage to hang on for our final anniversary last year which was the 21st June and then passed two days later it was as if he wanted to have that one last anniversary with me. So sorry you had to put your dog to sleep too. They become part of the family just the same and people who don't have dogs I feel just don't get that. We had to put our beautiful German Shepherd to sleep 4 years ago this June and I can't help thinking there is some irony there because it seems just after we put him to sleep all our troubles began and it is so ironic that Jay (my husband) passed in June also. I still have a little Border Terrier and he is my reason for getting up each day. I'd like to say things will get better for you but I'm still navigating and adapting to a `new me` too. It can be hard but we just plough on with things. As another cruel twist of fate my older sister also got diagnosed with bowel cancer two months after Jay passed. The difference is though that she is going on to make a full recovery and her's was caught at an early stage she had breast cancer 5 years ago too which she fought and won. She has learning and mental health issues going on too so I am sort of her carer. She lives in sheltered accomodation not far from me so I'm there when she needs me for anything. She can live independently to an extent but needs me for some things like things in authority banking insurances stuff like that. Think God just likes to test us every now and then. Take Care and my best wishes to you moving forward.

Vicky x

So very sorry to hear your sad news, about your husband and your dog. Pets are always part of the family and I feel so for you because you have had a double loss. My darling Wife passed away last November and I can imagine what you are going through.people all grieve in different ways but I think it’s basically one day at a time. We can never hope to open “get over it “but hopefully we can, in time, learn to live with it. My heart felt sympathies and best wishes. 

Thank you all for your replies.  I’m still struggling to get my head around everything.  I still feel physically exhausted, even though my husband was only ill for a relatively short while caring for him was a round the clock task.  He relocated from our bedroom to the sofa about 2 weeks before he was admitted to hospital as he was in so much pain and had limited mobility due to physically wasting away so anytime he needed help during the night he would call for me and I would go straight to him, whether it was once a night or multiple times.  He couldn’t even make it to the bathroom (we have a flat so all on one level).  I barely slept from the day that he was first diagnosed, and still can’t sleep properly now. When he was admitted to hospital on the 2nd February we were told it was just to have IV fluids for a couple of days as after having chemo he couldn’t keep anything down and was dehydrated and he had terrible acid reflux that was giving him huge problems trying to swallow anything.  That couple of days turned into the last 18 days of his life. The ward he was on had strict visiting hours and he managed to sweettalk the staff into allowing me to stay over my allocated time every day so instead of 45 mins a day I was able to be with him for 2 hours a day.  He declined rapidly Valentine’s Day night and went between calling out for me and hallucinating that I was there with him all night.  From the 15th Feb to 18th I would be at the hospital from 9.30am to 8pm everyday except the last 2 days of his life when I stayed by his side for 45 hours straight until he took his last breath and then I still stayed with him for another 2 hours afterwards. The flashbacks I have are the worst.  I was the last of his family to leave his bedside and as I left I turned back to draw the curtain around his cubicle, seeing him laying on the bed, looking uncomfortable and with his mouth open and his eyes half open has flashed into my mind so many times since then every single day.  I thought seeing him in the funeral home looking peaceful would help but it didn’t. 

I am so deeply sorry to read your sad news. My heart goes out to you. Please accept my sincere condolences. What you say resonates so much with me. Like you, I have flashbacks which are, to say the least, uncomfortable. You and I both know that this unspeakable pain cannot even be remotely imagined by anyone who has not gone through it.I know only too well that this is easy to say, but the passage of time helps, if only a little.I so wish I could be of more comfort to you but, if it helps, remember that there are many many thousands of us in the same position. Day by day we learn to live with grief .Again, I know this is easy to say, but try and look after yourself as that is so important in this awful grieving process. Although we have never met, you are not alone and I will not forget you.

Although we have never met, you are not alone and I will not forget you.

Remember that time well. When Jay passed I didn't even realise he had. He had been lapsing in and out of consciousness as if falling asleep and waking up. I was sat by his hospital bed watching the small TV next to it and decided to go down to the foodhall in the hospital to get a sandwich and a drink he was doing that horrible gurgly breathing they do so I knew he was just barely still with us. I went down and came back up and he was still gurgling away and I was watching TV and then became aware the gurgling had stopped so turning round I shook him and got no response then lifted his hand and it just flopped back down again and next I remember just walking out the door and down to the nurses station to say `I think he's gone` when looking back he had a buzzer at his bedside and I could have buzzed them to come in in but it was just as everything was going in slow motion and then two nurses went racing up the corridor into his room checked him over and one said `Yes he's at peace now` to which then I was ushered out the room and taken to a side room to calm myself down because I was in a state given a cup of tea and I began phoning everyone I thought needed to know- just adrenaline kicking in I think. My son was on the way up to the hospital to visit his dad and he was already on his way. Once the nurses/doctors had been in and did what they had to do we both went in and sat with him for a while until we both decided to leave. Yes the mouth open but his eyes were closed then seeing him in the funeral home with both his eyes and mouth closed just didn't look like him at all but he was looking nice and peaceful as though he was just asleep. You never forget those final minutes as you say but all we can console ourselves with is they are no longer in any pain. My best wishes to you. 

Vicky xx