Teen grief

Hi

Your post sounds very similar to my position sadly.

My husband passed away nearly 6 years now and he was the one who organised any family gatherings. Since his passing his family send birthday and Christmas cards but have never contacted us or seen us. My children at the time were 18 and 12. They never wanted counselling either.

My youngest son now won't even put up their birthday cards and says he only has my family. I actually agree with him, I feel my husbands family have massively let him down and our children but I have always tried to be fair. I tell him they are thinking of us, it's kind of them to remember!!! 

My youngest is now 18 and I have a fabulous relationship with him and feel sad that my husbands family have missed out on so much, but I cannot change them.

Your children's feelings are their feelings, whether we agree or not! Keep the communication going so they know you will always listen and back them. 

As long as they have love I think they will be ok.

Best wishes

Hello!

I feel this too. My husband passed almost 9 months ago and at his funeral I said to his two nephews that I still consider them as `family` and to keep in touch but of course it hasn't happened. Jay's brother and his wife and their mum and dad have all passed on. He was never that close with his brother anyway.  I still send birthday/christmas cards and send things for their kids birthdays etc but my son never gets anything back from them. One of my husband's nephew who he more or less treated like a son doesn't even send a birthday or Christmas card although I never miss them out. His wife is a bit though `it's all about her` and what she wants she likes all her fancy and must have stuff etc and it's what she wants never even says `thank you` if you send something. His other nephew and his wife are more down to earth and I always get something back from them and a `thank you` if I send their kids anything.  So I don't have it on may conscience that I have forgot anyone. Think this is just how families go.

Thanks for your reply Ruby. I'm so glad things have worked out well for you and your children and it gives me hope that I will have a strong bond with my son too. I worry constantly about the missing male role model which no one has tried to fill in for despite my husband having 3 brothers. I will hold onto your story as a bacon of hope when I fear I'm not enough x

I wish my boys had a role model too. But they have me and I'm not perfect but I do my best and love them enough for any family who are missing out. Keep listening and talking and just love them