IS IT JUST ME?

Hi Maureen!

In reply to your post, no It's not just you. Many of us here I am sure can resonate with how you feel myself included. I am now 7 months in from losing my husband to bowel cancer in June last year after him putting up a two year fight with it. He was in remisson for 5 months only before it decided to come back and get him so to speak. You sound like me I have a car a dog and financially at present am ok but yes some days it is quite an effort isn't it especially with this horrible weather. We were together for 40 years and he retired 5 years ago and well after that things just took a downward spiral and it became that hospitals, clinics, oncologists etc were an everyday occurence. He worked 50 odd years solid and very seldom had a need to visit a GP or be in a hospital for anything if he needed to be in hospital it would usually be A&E for maybe a work related injury or similar. The stomach aches and aches in general I can relate to also. When he retired we had a kind of routine going of what we did on what days etc but all of that is gone now. I just feel so empty some days even though I try to fill my days with `doing things` no matter how involved I try to become with things that empty feeling is still there. I was told that these feeling will never leave me but I will eventually be able to build a life around it. I just see the year- or years now! stretching out in front of me and have that uncertainty of what the future brings. I am a carer also for my older sister. She too ironically as if a cruel twist of fate, also got a bowel cancer diagnosis two months after my husband passed but she has been in and got her tumour cut out and has been told she will more or less make a full recovery. She has mild learning and mental health issues also so I look after certain things for her and we are company for each other at present. I have a little granddaughter also who keeps me going every now and then I get roped into baby sitting or `taxi service` from the nursery if mum and dad get held up at work and can't collect her. I'm just putting this all down to the horrible weather and time of year and hoping once the weather turns and the days start to become that bit brighter I will find it easier to get out of bed in the mornings because at the moment that is an issue too with the dark mornings mixed in with the dull weather sometimes hard to tell what time it is. So no Maureen, as I said it's not just you. Keep coming on here when you feel you need to let off steam or shout, scream whatever everyone here is in the same boat and we all get it. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Hi Maureen

This is definitely not just you.  I'm much further into this journey - 3 years next week and still find it extremely difficult to get motivated at times.  Don’t get me wrong, I've done a great deal since Nic died but lately have no interest in anything and just the thought of going to the shops or for a walk is overwhelming.  I think it's probably because I'm coming up to the anniversary so I'll mark the day and put it behind me.  I have had a lot of aches and pains as well, especially in the early months and lately am crying at anything at all.

Throughout all of this awful journey I've taken each day as it comes.  If I have a good day or week, then great.  If it feels awful then I don't worry about it and do what I feel like doing, even if that is nothing.  I also have a dog, car and am financially secure but, like you say, the effort to do things can be just too much.

Apologies if this sounds very negative.  It isn't meant to and I've definitely had more good days than bad, especially during the last couple of years.

Be gentle and kind to yourself andhopefully you'll muddle through it as best you can.

Best wishes.

Felicity

Hello Maureen T,

It is now 2+ years since I lost my beautiful wife, Lin, to metastatic breast cancer, and I still get days where I struggle to get motivated. I also struggle to make decisions as, after I lost my wife, I felt drained of all confidence. My confidence is slowly returning and I have even managed to go away on my own a couple of times, but it is still such a hard thing to do. I also have days where I feel really low and tearful and wish I could wrap my arms around her and give her a hug, and I still get that knot in my stomach on some days when I wake up and realise it is another day without the love of my life. I forced myself to join a few groups, some support related like a bereavement café (linked to a local hospice), and I think this has helped. I hope that one day you will manage to conquer your reservations and get out as it will help with your mood a bit, it is just taking that first big step.

Hang in there as there is a chink of light at the end of the tunnel.

Best wishes,

Derek