Feeling neglected

Hi Lynne!

Your post resonates so well it's as if I could have wrote this! I too feel like this just now and I am putting it down to the winter months being so long and dark. I lost my husband of 40 years last June (2023) so I'm only 7 months in. Just these last couple of weeks it has really hit home that I am on my own now. We more or less did everything together. When he retired 5 years ago we worked out a sort of routine what we would be doing on what days etc but all that is gone. We owned a static caravan in Argyll Scotland and went there as often as possible but I have had to sell it on as the upkeep of it on my own is just not possible. I have a car so at least I can get out for a little while during the day if I want. I've tried to go back to my hobbies that I was doing before my husband took really ill. As I said he retired 5 years ago, but in those five years hospitals, clinics, oncologists GPs seemed to take over and became an everyday occurence whereas when he worked for almost 50 odd years he very seldom saw a GP for anything and if he was at a hospital it would have probably been to A & E for a work related injury so he was robbed of his retirement. He got the all clear- or in remission as they call it - after he got the operation to remove his tumour in January 2022 but 5 months later it was back. Chemotherapy he was put back on eventually damaged his kidneys and had to be withdrawn completely. That and several bouts of sepsis took its toll and he eventually passed on the 23rd June 2023. I too have a son and he lives about 20 minutes away from me and like you too he very seldom phones me. Yes he has a job and his own family (he has a partner and a little girl) but it doesn't take much just to pick up the phone every now and then to ask how you are. He does phone but it's usually to ask me to babysit for the little one or pick her up at nursery etc which I don't mind doing but other than that I don't hear from him. I have an older sister who I am carer for. She lives independantly in sheltered accomodation on her own but has mental health and mild learning difficulties she too had a bowel cancer diagnosis ironically two months after my husband passed. She is ok though and they got hers in time and she has been in and got the tumour removed and is expected to go on and make a full recovery. Never think you are coming on here complaining. This is what this forum is for, to come on and let off steam as there will be others who can relate to what you are going through and will get it. Take Care

Vicky x

Vicky, Thank you for your lovely comments.  I agree with what you say and your post definitely resonates with me!

I do quite often look after my youngest granddaughter which I enjoy.  She’s 6 and such good company and so amusing.  As you say, it does only take 5 minutes to pick up a phone and I think that is what upsets me most.  My son doesn’t go out to work so really should have a lot of time on his hands.  He does have a mildly autistic daughter but she is at school.  I am slightly disabled and haven’t been able to get out in the snowy weather.  Two of my adult granddaughters messaged to see if I needed anything and so did my youngest daughter (their mum).  I have not heard from either of my other two children!!

I am so sorry to hear of your sister’s difficulties and hope she makes a good recovery from her cancer.

kind regards xx

Hi, have you ever heard of Meet Up?  I belong to my local groups, people organise meals out, walks, theatre etc and everybody goes along singly.  Not everybody is single but if they are married they come along on their own.  Its not a dating site, purely a site where you can join in outings with other people.  It was daunting going to my first outing but as the groups are generally small its easy to have conversations.

I live in Essex and there is also a FB group for widows and widowers and again they organise outings. There are also friendship sites on FB so if you are on there its worth seeing if you have local groups.  Meet Up is on the Internet.  I did join Way Up but tbh it wasnt for me.

Im just over 2 years now and tbh without the groups I wouldn't go out so much, Im even thinking about a singles holiday.

I am lucky as I see my daughter a lot, being an only child and we don't have much family she and I have grown much closer since her dad died.  She was such a daddys girl.  

Take care

Glenis

Hi Glenis, thank you so much for your reply to my post.  I hadn’t heard of Meet Up but will definitely look into it.  I do get out weekly with friends I grew up with but it’s the weekends I find difficult.  I am sure once the weather improves and I can be busy in my garden again I will be more content.

I hope you do go on your holiday.  I have considered doing that too.  My youngest daughter has invited me to go on holiday with her family later this year and I am so looking forward to it.  

Kind regards x