Coping with the death of my wife

Posting for the first time in this group is so hard. Your wife sounded like a strong person. We are all at different stages of grief here so we can relate to everything you describe. 

I lost my husband six months ago and also have PTSD which is so hard to cope with every day. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, the description of it coming in waves is accurate. 

You will feel all over the place - loss has changed your life forever but I am sure that there are better days ahead for us all, it just seems like a hard and long journey at the moment.

Remember to look after yourself. 

Thanks for your reply.

Your description of grief 'coming in waves' is entirely accurate. Sometimes, I feel as though I have made some mental adjustments already; but, the next minute, I am engulfed in tears again.

I still can't really believe that my wife has gone.

As for my wife: she was indeed a strong and stoic woman. She never complained about her illness; the closest she ever came to that was when she told me a few months ago that she felt 'unlucky.' Unlucky!

Before her final discharge from hospital, when it had been decided that there was no chance of further treatment for my wife's cancer, many friends came to visit her in hospital. Whenever that happened, I generally stayed for a short chat, and then left them alone so that they could have a private conversation with my wife. Several of them have since told me that my wife's only concern was for me. I am humbled.

I am sorry for the loss of your wife. I lost my husband in July, and still do not know how to carry on without him. I came out of the supermarket today having bought my ready meals for one and had a panic realising that i was on my own and my husband would not be at home when i returned. I spent half an hour in the shower this afternoon crying. I to go for counselling at a hospice, i hope you find it helpful. I hope you get the mundane things done without to much difficulty.  Take care.

PTP,

I'm now past the 18 month mark. Does it get easier? I don't think so as the emotions are just too strong. I'd say I'm managing my days better but I still talk to her, go through some morning routines, etc as they make me feel that she's still with me - and of course she is.

I've found, although others haven't, that going away periodically for a day here, two days there, has helped. The first time is difficult as you see nothing but couples together - especially if you go into a restaurant. 

It's well documented, amongst us on here, that those who you expect to help more seem to disappear. It simply can't be explained.

All the paperwork I found to be very tiresome. Some organisations were great, others a pain in the ....

The key, and I think others will agree, is you do what you want. People will suggest things but it's what you want to do that matters. Stick to that. 

I hope this helps a little.

Take care,

WDJ

1. Hello PTP  know that there are total strangers reading feeling your heartache...I lost my husband to cancer 2 years ago . ... hold your head up remember all that love strength you both have for each other will  stay with you forever take care and remember to eat try rest the paper work will get done when it's done...dee.

Hi PTP,

My thoughts are with you and I understand completely how you feel. I am now 2 years into this journey and some days are really difficult emotionally. Yes, do get all the help you can and I hope the counselling brings you some comfort, it certainly helped me and, like you suggest, I did find that I felt unburdened of my grief after each session.

Like others say on here, and WDJ in the replies, you do things when you are ready, and certainly don't do anything you are not comfortable with. Even after 2 years, I still find it hard to believe she is no longer here at my side, and I still have days when I cry and feel really low. But I do feel that over time I am able to deal with my loss better, but it is so tough. Like WDJ I have also been away on my own on a few occasions, and the first time it was particularly difficult, especially at meal times. I feel it has got that little bit easier each time I have gone, though.

Make sure you look after yourself.

Derek

Hi I lost my wife beginning of November to womb cancer like you I thought we’d cracked it but the little blighters got into her lymph nodes and she went down fast she was taken into hospital with a uti but she’d also lost a lot of weight which didn’t help with the fight like you her concern was me I told her as she was dying I loved her and I’d be ok after which she passed on don’t know if it will help but if you go onto government site and find tell them once fill it in and all agencies get told at same time sorry for your loss I’ve also joined Wayup a site for the Brieved I find it quite useful 

yours

chris

I lost my wife of 56 years to secondary bone cancer last week. She had previously had a lumpectomy on either breast, the first in 2019 and the other last year. In February she was given the all clear and we started to plan for our future and as I walked my dog locally I felt how life was good and we had a future together.

Then came march and the dog died which was a big loss as he had been with us 9 years but as he was 5 when we adopted him he was old. 

My wife them went to a route appointment and was told they were sorry but they hadn't seen a bone cancer in her hip but could be controlled. She suffered great pain and mcmillan care was provided for palialative treatment. This was a few weeks of trying to balance various meds. A dvt then formed in her thigh and following investigation low platelets were diagnosed meaning it was a fine balance of more treatments so she was taken into hospital. Twice she was told she would be on her way home before that then being withdrawn as the treatment hadn't worked. More treatment and once again being told she would be released to go home so I set of to pick her up. When I get to the hospital she is in bed having oxygen I'm told she had suddenly contracted hospital pnemonia but antibiotics would get that sorted but 3 days later she died in the local hospice the only consolation being we were able to say goodbye as we expressed our love for each other. My 3 grown up children are fussing around me but I'm hurting so much and long for her to be by my side knowing that's not possible. God bless you Maureen you was and are my life.  

I'm terribly sorry to read all that - and I am crying now that I'm typing this.

Cancer is a horrible, cruel disease. Just as in your case, my own wife and I thought that she had been completely cured - but the disease came back as secondaries, and it then killed her.

I am almost ten months in from the death of my own wife, and I am struggling. All I know is that people in our position have to try to carry in a positive way, in order to honour the memory of those who have died. But it is terribly difficult.

Nothing I can write here will bring you any comfort, but I can tell you that I am thinking of you, and willing you on - as will be many others. You are lucky to have children who can help you: please lean on them, as well as any friends you may have.

I send you my love, and best wishes.