I feel so angry my wife of 46 years died 4th November

Hello Chris,

I had womb cancer in 2022. Mine was an aggressive type but caught at an early stage. I had surgery, chemo and then radiotherapy. 

I am really sorry that you have lost your wife to this cancer. I can only imagine how painful this is and upset you are. Anger too- in the circumstances seems very normal.

I am sorry you feel let down by the system and the oncologist. To be diagnosed with stage 4 womb cancer means that unfortunately your wife's cancer was already at an advanced stage which makes it harder to treat. From my experience on here and also through experience with my own cancer and discussions with my oncologist, it would be normal to try chemotherapy first to see if there is a response and to see if the cancer can be shrunk enough to be removed. Then to be given a hysterectomy to remove the cancer would be the next step. Because the cancer had already spread when your wife was diagnosed it would be very possible that tiny cells may have been left behind and that these would not be visible on any scans. So the radiotherapy was then to try to mop up any of these cells. Sometimes it is also to relieve symptoms- but in your wife's case I would imagine it was done to try to deal with anything left behind. 

In my case I had something called LVSI- which is a precursor to the cancer spreading. It means that there were tiny cancer cells showing up in the blood/lymph vessels leading from my tumour. These could not be seen on the scan. I was given chemo and then radiotherapy to try and prevent these travelling through the lymph/blood vessels and setting up elsewhere. I was told that there was no guarantee the treatments would work but it was explained to me that they were doing all they could. 

After surgery I was also told by the surgeon that he felt he had removed all the cancer. It was only at the post op pathology that it revealed lymphatic vascular invasion. 

It must have been really hard to find out that after all the treatment some cancer remained. It was explained to me that this could happen and it would be hard to predict and that sometimes cancer can do this.

I am sorry that the trial treatment did not work, although seeming to at the beginning. It was explained to me that once cancer has spread away from the original site it can be more difficult to treat and behave more unpredictably. Because mine was contained within my womb at diagnosis- despite the LVSI- it was easier to treat. Because your wife's cancer had already spread away from her womb the treatments were likely to try to control the cancer and to try and give her more time. I would think that any treatments would have been aimed at remission, rather than curative. This is how it was explained to me before my stages and grades were confirmed.

I did not have the red devil chemo but I have heard that it can be hard to cope with. My chemo was paclitaxel/carboplatin and although it wasn't easy, it was doable. I think for me it felt worth doing as although the side effects were unpleasant, it had a much better chance of a good outcome. I think if it had less chance of working and had made me as ill as your wife was- then I would have stopped. From being on here and reading other ladies treatment stories and through my own experiences- once treatment stops working or is stopped the cancer seems to progress quickly in some cases. 

It must have been awful for you to see your wife decline so quickly. I do not know whether she has been let down by the system or the oncologist but I hope that what I have shared may in part explain what has happened. Stage 4 womb cancer is hard to treat and it seems that your wife was given treatments and although she initially responded to them, the cancer was already established. This is really sad when it happens. It happened with my own Mum years ago, with another type of cancer. The cancer had already spread at diagnosis and although treatment was tried, it did not work and in the end she went quite quickly after treatment had stopped.

We are not medically trained on here and I am only speaking through my own experience but perhaps something to consider is to talk with someone who is, such as her GP, to go through her notes, the treatments she had and see if they believe that everything that should have been done, was done. So you would be looking at what had happened, with a fresh pair of eyes, by someone who both knows your wife and her medical history but would also have access to her treatment scans/notes. If then they feel that it needs looking into further then they can support you in doing this.

If talking things through first with someone would help, then please do consider giving the Support Line a call - the number is below- and they are lovely on there. They will also be able to check if there is any local support in your area for yourself. I am thinking of Cruse etc.

I hope this helps a bit. I am very sorry for the loss of your wife and please accept my condolences.

Jane

Thanks Jane I might do that speak to her GP

I think it is worth doing as a first step.

They would be able to look in more detail and either reassure you that everything possible was done or be able to suggest ways of raising concerns about the treatments or if it comes to it to make a more formal complaint. 

There is also some information at the lower part of this about rights which may be worth looking at in the future.

Understanding your cancer care rights | Macmillan Cancer Support

This one also has some information if after speaking with GP you feel that you do want to take it further and either give feedback or a complaint. 

How to complain about healthcare services | CRUK (cancerresearchuk.org)

There is also some info below which might help you. 

Support with grief | Macmillan Cancer Support

Home - Cruse Bereavement Support

I hope this helps a bit- but I think talking it through with the GP first is the best next step as it is still very early days. 

Jane

Hi Chris,

So sorry to learn about your wife, my condolences to you. 

When our loved one is diagnosed with cancer it is  hard being the partner, the need to be strong for them,  trying to be practical whilst feeling so scared, shocked and alone. Harder still for us when they have gone, and we have to carry on alone.

I agree with Jane's earlier response to you, diagnosis at Stage 4  in most cases means any  treatment available is to alleviate symptoms, to try to slow advancement of the cancer, but there is much less likelihood of curing it. Often the small cancer cells have already moved, started growing and  creating their devastation elsewhere. Finding them in the early stages can be difficult.

Sometimes doctors are reluctant to tell the full facts of their findings, which can lead to false hope and confusion. Not all patients want total honesty about their prognosis.

Speak to your GP if you think it would help. If you truly feel that the hospital failed your wife then you have the right to raise your concerns. The hospital will have a PALS office, if you ring them they can advise you of the correct person to contact and to send your complaint to in the first instance. Be clear and concise to them and to yourself what outcome you are seeking.

My husband passed away aged 54 three years ago. After his death I followed the whole complaint procedure on his behalf, raising 17 serious matters. I had documented evidence, photos, names, times, dates and medical reports...

I was never seeking any financial compensation I only ever sought a full acceptance and apology to my late husband. It was his complaint, I was simply his mouthpiece.

It took two years of form filling, letters, Statements telephone calls, but finally I had a face-to-face formal meeting that lasted three hours, with 14 senior hospital staff present including Professors, Oncologists, Management. 

I fully accept my husband was terminally ill, his cancer was aggressive and the outcome was inevitable. I explained to the medics that I was grateful for their intervention and the help they gave... Unfortunately, there was also neglect and unnecessary suffering for which I held them responsible. They admitted their failings and many changes have since been implemented at the hospital as a direct result of my complaint,  ensuring certain things cannot happen to future patients. 

Whatever you decide to do I wish you well.

Mym 

From what you say it’s a complicated business getting them to own up that they could  be in the wrong, I had my wife’s funeral today it was very emotional a lot of people were there including relatives I hadn’t seen for a good while paying their respects and love for Carol it’s going to be hard without her

I hope everything went as you planned for the  funeral. All of us on this site can relate to your emotions today...  A day that we will always remember. 

Hopefully you were able to reminisce with friends and relatives about the good times, maybe, even to smile or laugh at the happy memories that I am sure you all have.

Take time to grieve, remember the good times you shared and hopefully the happier memories will be how you can remember your wife rather than the awfulness of her last few months/weeks.

Take care