Moving sideways

Hi Fifinet

I totally get this.  Nic died just over 2.5 years ago and I have gradually adjusted to this life on my own.  It's very different to my life before, but I'm finding that I like it now and am looking forward to the future.  Nic is never far from my thoughts and I still turn round to say things to him about something on the telly or if something happens in the village.

So, yes, sideways is a good description.

All the best for the future.

Felicity 

I've found that I say I'm walking alongside my grief and my memories of my husband.

Sometimes my grief is a step ahead, sometimes I'm ahead but the memories of my Chris are always at my side - we were always side by side in life and he's still with me every step of the way 

There's no moving on or forwards after loving someone for 28 years.

Peace, love and comfort to you xx

Hi Fifinet,

This is an interesting way to put things and, like the others, I completely get it 

After almost 18 months, I'm not going forwards, nor backwards, and I'm trying my utmost, as I've said previously, to do what I think I'd have been 'expected' to do by a certain someone. 

To describe it as going sideways is perfect really.

My how I miss what I had.

Take care,

WDJ

I get quite annoyed, though not voice it as people are tying to be supportive, when they say "how are you, you moving on?", I want to to say what the keck do you mean! it's only been a few months! Moving on to what!. Moving sideways seems quite apt actually! :-)

I've managed to drag myself away again for a few days. There have been the usual mixed moments of being ok and then thoughts kick in of what was.

Now that the storm seems to have gone I managed a walk along the river near by. In addition to moving sideways, and I may have been influenced by the water, I thought of myself of just drifting along these days. I think that's another way of how I'm going to now answer when asked how am I, etc.

Take care,

WDJ

Hello again 

Glad my little sideways story raised some discussion! 

I think I am drifting a bit too. The days are long, I keep busy, but by the evening I usually am exhausted. Mentally as well as physically. The change of hour soon will influence me too and the thought of the long winter nights.

I haven't gone away at all, even overnight, for such a long time ? Feel a bit "afraid " of travelling too far. Need my little comfort routine still with my little cat Missy ! It will happen just when it is supposed to.

Don't force anything I advise now. We have to find our own way through this, in our own time.

Hugs 

Moving sideways! What a great expression! I don't really get anyone asking how I am just one or two but I'm not looking for sympathy. You get the `well meaning` at the beginning `if you need anything` but all that wanes once the funeral and everything has passed. Everyone seems to disappear, and you have that fear of being an inconvenience to other people if you need to ask for help so I just go about things myself. I haven't really felt that I need to ask anyone for help and try to be as independent as possible. I still have a lot to keep me going. I get roped in more often caring for my little grandaughter if my son and his partner need me to look after her or collect her from nursery if they need to work late or if their shifts clash at the last minute and I am still carer for my sister who has mild learning and mental health difficulties and recently herself just went through bowel cancer surgery and which she has just found out she has been cleared of. So it's a little bittersweet for me that cancer spared her but took my husband. Yes, the days are unfortunately getting shorter and the nights longer and darker and I am so aware of this now since Jay (my husband) passed back in June. I have my little Border Terrier `Jack` also if I didn't have him I don't think I would get out of bed in the mornings so he is one of the reasons I get need to get out of bed in the mornings otherwise he wouldn't get out for his walks and he's a little bit of company for me too I'd be lost without him. He was Jay's dog and my son and I got him for him for Christmas one year so it is in a way still a part of him is still with me just like me still driving his car too. I have just got back into driving again. It was Jay's wish that I take it up again before he passed so I could have my independence so I'm honouring his wish. I wasn't able to drive for a number of years due to illness even though I still had my licence so I went back and got ok'd by the GP to go back to it again and upgaded my licence with the DVLC. I'm still building my confidence in driving again and it's trial and error but I'm getting there. Jay wanted me to `look after` his car for him so that is what I am doing. My sister comes and stays over with me for a couple of nights as she lives on her own but within walking distance from me and lives in sheltered accommodation. It can be tough losing your life partner of 40 years I'm slowly beginning to adjust but I'm just not there yet I can't say just now it will get better because I'm still going through it myself  at only 4 months down the line from losing him and just hope it will get better. I still at times forget he has gone but then it hits like a wave he is actually gone. I am hoping things will get better going forward but when that will be who knows. I wish everyone here all the best in moving forward, sideways , up or downwards but do so in your own time. Take Care. 

xx