Looking for help & advice. Lost wife to cancer recently.

Georgie333. Thanks. Yes we did too many things together. And like many others on here you have the home with the memories and you just have to motivate yourself to move forward. Although I have found I've had to give myself as good talking to in order to get going some days. We did a lot of travel and lots of things on the walls from trips and memories.

Hi thanks for the above. Yes for me living in the house after my wife's passing is proving a challenge. Being in the building at times does not feel right at all. But I have to live here for now at least. I probably will end up selling but won't rush into anything. Some people have told me you never get over things, you just need to find a way to manage it and move on with the good memories. That's the way I'm seeing things going forward. For me keeping active also seems to help greatly. You can tell I've never done these forums before.

Hello FORSYB, so sorry for your loss, it can seem unbearable a lot of the time. Like you, I lost my wife to metastatic breast cancer which eventually spread to her brain. I am a bit further into this journey, as Lin, my wife, succumbed to this disease nearly two years ago. I understand that desire to get out of the house, and I did the same in the first year. In this second year I have gradually adjusted a bit to being here on my own, but it is still tough. I somehow feel I miss her more than ever now but I am crying less, though I think that my mood is lower sometimes. I think I am just learning to cope with the loss a little better but it seems a long journey.

In the first year I had bereavement counselling through the hospice that my wife was under the care of, which I found very helpful. Since then I have been going to bereavement cafés run by another local hospice at a number of locations in my area, and again I have found these very helpful. Do they run anything like this in your area? Sometimes they are called compassionate cafés.

I hope you find some support somewhere. My thoughts are with you.

Derek

Thanks Paddy53. I'll take a look. I went to my GP quite early and it was beneficial.

Hi DelBoy55. Read your story I'm so sorry.

At later stages my wife's cancer had reduced her mobility in her arms and legs and was starting to affect her brain. She was in hospital in July 2022 and I was told she had weeks to go. Got her back home as she still adamant she did not want to go into a Hospice yet. All was fine for nearly 2 weeks then she was taking an Ensure Plus drink which went down into her lungs and caused a condition called Aspiration Pneumonitis. She was rushed to A&E and managed to get her into a ward after 9 hours. But she passed away peacefully within 24 hours. It was a horrible condition but going peacefully spared her from the unfortunate deterioration which would have happened in the remaining weeks.

Signed up for bereavement counselling with a couple of organisations but weeks from either starting yet. There is an organisation called StrongMen which I am considering for support. Well done a bit more as I've signed up to the Weekender activity next April where a group of men going through similar circumstances will meet up in Snowdonia  National park, go un the hill and do other challenges. Something different.

I'll check out the advice on cafés for my area.

Did seem to be getting through the days. Well counting them off. Still early. Relatives and friends saying your doing really well. Problem is I'm hiding it too well.

Bonfire night and we would always walk round and watch. Remember, remember well not this year. I'm also not an Autumn or Winter person so normally don't take easily to this time of Year.

The Festive period is starting to get to me. Last year we did the Christmas markets, etc in Munich. Not this year and although I'll get invites from family it's not normal or the same. Don't know if the normal is to get yourself off on holiday to keep yourself functioning.

Hi Paddy53 thanks tried that. Also look for a site called WAY-UP. It's a "general" site for over 51s going through the bereavement process. Not just cancer related. Seems to be a lot going on "coffee" meet-ups but depends on your location, lots of online posting and different forums, and Zoom calls. 

But I'll still be on here too