as time goes on.

Hi Maureen, I can really relate to your post. My lovely husband of 30 years died 3 weeks ago, he had a brain tumour. He fought it for 2 years and was only given 12-14 months. I am feeling so many different emotions, numb, lost, missing him, guilt as he had to go into hospice the last week. Trying to stay strong for our children, they are in their early 20s. Also his biggest fear was that I wouldn’t be ok, so I have to be really. we are at the sorting and planning stage. I have an appointment tomorrow with the funeral director and I’m dreading it. I too have a beautiful dog that is a great comfort, cuddles and taking him out has really kept me going. Walking on the canal having a cry I find really helps. I do feel like he is with me in a way and I’m holding on to that. Not sure if it will ever get better but hopefully we will learn to live around the grief and find joy and hope. As you said they definitely wouldn’t want anything else.
Take care, Sal

Hello Maureen!

I can relate to your story very well. I lost my husband on the 23rd June this year so I am 4 months in this month October. Some days I actually forget he has gone but then it hits me like a wave and at this time of the year with the darker and longer nights coming in I am beginning to realise that he is not here. As a cruel twist of fate, my sister is now going through bowel cancer treatment but her's we have been told is not as serious as my husband's was. He had his tumour for 3 years previous before symptoms actually began to surface at the end of 2020 and that was during the height of the covid pandemic. He got his official diagnosis in 2021 and so he fought it for almost two years getting the all clear after his surgery in January 2022 only for it to cruelly return in May 2022 and after numerous sessions of chemotherapy which had to be withdrawn due to kidney damage and after that numerous bouts of sepsis that and the advancing cancer finally took him on June 23rd.Yes, `the silence can be deafening` at times. I too have a little dog and he is the one that gets me out of bed in the morning as he needs walked. I have gone back to driving too. I hadn't been able to for a number of years due to ill health myself but it was his wish before he passed that I take it up again so I could have my independence without him as  we more or less went everywhere together. So I got ok'd with GP etc and I'm out and about again. Like you, I'm still building my confidence on it and just use routes I know where I am going. I'm not ready for the motorway just yet but I know one day I will need to tackle it. I can get my sister to hospital and back ok. She goes for her surgery next Wednesday to get her tumour cut out and they are saying that they may have just got her's in time. She had breast cancer 4 years ago and managed to beat it but here it is back in her bowel. She also has learning difficulties and mental health issues going on so I have all that happening with her too. She does know the seriousness of the situation, but she just takes it all in her stride which I suppose is a good attitude to have. My husband was more or less robbed of his retirement he worked 50 odd years with hardly a visit to the GP or needing to go to hospital for anything. Retires, and it was more or less an everyday occurance. We were together for 40 years. Yes it is hard. People will tell you it will get better it will never leave you, but gets better. Well, as I said I'm 4 months in this month and it still feels like yesterday. It's good to come on here though you can express how you feel and there will always be someone in similar circumstances to yourself. I wish you well going forward as we all are. Best Wishes. 

Vicky x

Hi to you all, i have just come in, though one time, i was always here, for support, for all the different emotions, i was going threw.

I was scared, angry, and thought, i could not carry on, with out my hubby.

It will be four years this Sunday, since he passed, it is early days for you both, i was married 53 years.

Please just take each day as it comes, it is the hardest journey we have ever been on, and every one is so different in how they travel this road.

One week becomes another week, then it is months, does it get easier, it took a long while.

I have my moments do not get me wrong, some times i think, he will be home soon, and it hits me, though now i can play my music again, like, we both used to do, and a lot has good memories, of when we were  younger, and i smile.

I carry  on, because i know that is what he wanted me to do, i was diagnosed before him, and all he wanted, was me to keep fighting,

Your hubby's would want you to carry on, and in time ,live   your life, , the  best you can. and for them.

I have a life, though it is a different one, and one i did not choose, though have to make the most of it.

I wish you all a smooth road ahead.

Thank you Ellie

xx

What a beautiful post. So sorry for your loss. Summon up your courage and take your dog for a long beach walk. It will be good for you both and your husband will be with you as you drive there and walk along the sand. 

I like you wish my husband had taken me with him 14 weeks ago. I even ask him most days to come and get me as i feel there is no future without him. I cannot think of meeting up with like minded people as although they will be feeling the same, they can never replace him and all i want is to be with him and nobody else. My children all have their own lives to.  

I like you wish my husband had taken me with him. I ask him most days to come and get me and it is 14 weeks and 1 day ago he died. Life has no meaning anymore. I know i should go and join a group with people in the same situation who will understand, but he still won't be there with me and that's all that i want. How do i carry on without him.

Flamingo, would it be worth you talking to your GP, maybe you need some help through these very dark days. And although your children have their own lives they will be grieving too, and perhaps they’d like to talk about your husband/ their dad. Sending you a big hug, too. Take care 

17 weeks ago my husband was still here, every Sunday evening is torture as it was the day before my husband died. Sometimes it feels like 17 hours ago i lost him. I put on a brave front  but every day a bit more of me dies. I just wish i had more courage to go and be with him. There is no life anymore just a very hollow existence. Like everyone here i would give anything just to have him back even for just an hour.

4 weeks ago i lost my partner of 33 years  its so raw   my life feels empty now  ive gone from a full house with loads of laughter and life   to nothing   and now nothing feels normal   people are goin back with their lives  and i hope like people say it gets easier  because it serms years away to me  i can fully understand how you feel  and iam going to take one day at a time  fight this grief...cancer is a horrible thing.