the physical pain of beareavement.

hi,  it's me again Maureen t.  I realise my spelling of 'bereavement ' is incorrect, but really i think that perhaps that should be the right spelling because it is something, everyone in this group, has to 'bear' in he best ways possible.   love to you all

I feel your pain. My husband was diagnosed with glioblastoma on the 29th of April last year and on that day he changed to a man i didn't recognise and he passed away in July this year. Well done for going out. Most days i try and go out so i am not alone all day and all evening. The silence is deafening isn't it. Sometimes when i go out though i do wonder how i got there and back as i just seem to drive on auto pilot. Most days i haven't a clue what day it is, this week i was on my way to the supermarket and suddenly realised i was supposed to be somewhere else as i didn't know it was Wednesday til man on the radio said it was. Took my anti depressants out of the packet to take before going to bed, they were still there in the morning. As you say we are sadly all in the same position here so we know how each other is feeling. Take care

It is very difficult and painful.

I lost my husband 4 months ago to a glioblastoma and I am always unprepared for the waves of grief that hit me every day. It is a physical pain.

I am also very isolated so not knowing what day it is is my new normal as some times I don't speak to people for days.

My little dog is the only thing that keeps me sane and a reason to get up in the morning.

Surely it has to get easier?

good morning.  just dragged myself out of bed and into the shower, and it is yet another wet day to face,  I know what you mean about driving 'on auto pilot'  I have only been out on my own, well with the dog, a couple of times and really it was not nice,  I used to drive all over the place, not a care in the world,  now the mere thought of driving down to the supermarket fills me with dread,it is not a bit like I hoped it would be, all my confidence seems to have drained away and today i ache all over, BUT i am up, so soldier on through another day.   hope you day goes well.

good morning. I have a lovely dog as well, used to take her all over the place, now at the moment she does not go for many long walks or runs, but I have a garden, she is approaching 9 but very fit and loves to run and run,  I live by the coast, and she loves the beach, so as well as the physical pain I feel a bit guilty for her, but I am sure she does not love me any less.  I would love to think it will get easier, but when,,, it is no time at all for you or me, we just have to carry on as best we can

Hi maureen T.

I can resonate with everything you are saying here. I lost my lovely husband 3 months ago after an almost 2 year fight against bowel cancer. At one point he was clear but it returned 5 months later and decided this time it was taking him. I get what you mean about the `quietness and stillness` I am aware of it more now because of the changing season and the nights are getting longer and the days shorter and it just makes me realise how much he is not here now. I too have a wee dog who needs to get out so I take him and just more or less walk him up to the corner of the street and back again. I have started driving again too. I was unable to for a good few years but it was my husbands wish that I should take it up again before he passed so at least I would have my independence. So I checked with and doctor and everything and got the all clear that I could drive again so I am. I have son  who lives not too far from me with his partner and little girl. I have a sister wno lives within walking distance from me she has learning and  mental health difficulties and lives in sheltered accomodation. I have her come to mine a few nights a week and she stays here now my husband has gone. We're company for one another although I think I am moreso for her than she me. It doesn't phase me on my own. My husband used to work away a lot so I was on my on a lot of the time but this is so different. Some days too I just wonder what I am getting out of bed for but I do it anyway and get up and dressed even though it may be just to look at 4 walls. I too don't feel like going out at all some days although that seems to have lifted slightly. I just feel `invisible` now my husband has gone and everyone else just seems to be getting on with their lives and plans and I just feel cancer has very cruelly taken this all away from me. I wish you well in moving forward as I hope we can all do. Take Care. 

xx

As to what day of the week it is, I am with you all on that too. Some days I get up and have to think what day it is and just as you say Flamingo21 you have to wait until you put the TV on or go out in the car before you find out. Some days I think it's a day in front and that can set me back for the day. The days and weeks just seem to morph into one just now just like being back in lockdown again.