1 year

Hi PBD7

I think the next year will be different. I am coming up to one year in October too. Let s see. 

Lots of love xxc

I'm just willing it to be over daily. The pain....

Sending you strength in the run up to your anniversary. I found I was bracing myself for months before. I'm a mess.

Thanks for responding, love back at ya x

Hello to you 

Feeling and understanding your pain and loss. One year but it is still raw. I am 15 months now, and it still hurts. I don't think it will ever go but we have to try and deal with it differently. I don't know what support you have or family around you and I hope you have someone. Take it just day by day. I find if I try to do too much or worry about the future I am much worse. A little book that helped me is The boy, the Mole and the horse " by Charlie Mackesy. Beautifully illustrated too and thought provoking. Simple. One page says "When the big things feel out of control, focus on what you love right under your nose "  For me my little cat Missy, who sits on that page ! To remind me.

Thoughts are with you

Hugs 

Thanks Fifinet, makes sense with just doing the little things when I can. I try with that, sometimes unsuccessfully other times productively.

I don't have any support so this doesn't help, apart from an aunt who lives 3 hours away. I lost my mum too so don't have her. Friends and other family,  well the less said about their support the better. Feel let down by the lot of them apart from a couple of friends. 

I'll check out the book thanks, though honestly can't think of a single thing I love anymore. A friend tells me try to find the joy in each day and I'm like what??? What joy?!

Anyway thanks for your response. Thoughts are with you too, I've seen your posts before now. Hope little Missy continues to be a source of strength for you. 

I’m with you PBD7 I’m approaching our first wedding anniversary this Saturday and then my lovely husband’s memorial 18 days later. 
how do we do this? I’m too really struggling with how to get through it.

day to day is hard enough but these milestones are just wow! 
my support from so called friends vanished after the wedding and after Andy passed- nowhere to be seen or heard from - I get it, they don’t know what to say but a check in would be a start eh!

Not much help either am I - sorry xxx

Oh I'm sorry for you too. A double whammy so close together. That's just it isn't it? It never ends. I don't know what to tell u other than feel what u feel. I'm still reeling and my anniversary was last week. My brain just won't accept it. How can he have been gone a year? Like Fifinet says it's still so raw. The world has kept turning but we're stuck in our awful reality, me going around in a horrible bubble like a robot.

I hear u about 'friends' I couldn't imagine being the same way to someone I'm supposed to care about. You're right, all it takes is a check in.

I hope you're able to get through this time best u can, I'm here if u want to touch base. From one broken hearted to another. Take care xx

I hope you don't mind me joining in this thread. I am in a similar position, as it will be my wedding anniversary next week on 28th Sept and then the 1st anniversary of my husband passing 3 days later on 1 Oct.

I am wondering how I will spend the day of our wedding anniversary and what I am supposed to do. For the anniversary of the day he died, I will actually be on a history tour holiday (booked it over a year ago so didn't appreciate the date would be significant). I am thinking on the 28th I might go for a walk somewhere we liked to go. I stillhaven't scattered his ashes and know the place. i don't think I want to be around family or friends as I don't like being emotional in front of anyone.

In fact in the past year I have thrown myself into my hobbies - history and running, for which I am part of various groups which has helped me a lot. I am always busy doing something. I often think people will judge me negatively for this but I feel I have to live life because he can't.  

I find the worst time is always being alone in the house in the evening. It's just me and there are memories all around.

Thanks for listening

Hi WW2 Girl!

Your story sounds so like mine. I lost my husband on the 23rd June this year after a two year fight with bowel cancer and our wedding anniversary is the 21st June- the longest day! never even ralised that when we arranged it. So it's as though he wanted to hang on for that and saw it out one last time. Yes it does get very lonely in the evening I have just discovered especially as the nights are beginning to draw in and the days are getting shorter. Some days I just actually forget that he is not here and then something will happen and it hits me like a wave that he is so much not here. I am lowly but surely starting to get round to getting rid of some of his stuff. He was a terrible one for me buying him clothes and never wearing them he wasn't that fashion conscious and so I have a wardrobe full of joggers T shirts etc still in wrappers which I am trying to sell on the Vinted site he hasn't worn them so there is no sentimental attachment to them it's just the stuff he has worn that I've seen him in that I still find hard to part with. I have his ashes here too in a beautiful union jack urn. This signifies the colours red white and blue of his favourite football team Glasgow Rangers. I used to think it was quite creepy people keeping their loved ones ashes but I do actually get it now when you have them a part of them is still with you in a way. I'm trying to get back to my hobbies too and I have began driving again. I was unable to drive for a number of years due to ill health myself and before he passed it was his wish I take it up again to give me independence so after checking with the GP etc I got the go ahead to do it again and I'm slowly building my confidence with that now too. I wish you well moving forward as we all are. Take Care. 

Vicky 

I  lost my husband 11 weeks ago next Monday, some days it feels like 11 hours, others 11 days and sometimes 11 years. People say it will get easier with time, personally i feel it is getting worse. It will be my 1st Birthday without him next month, which i am dreading, as he always spoilt me on my Birthday usually taking me away, last year was to Ghent where we had a lovely time. November will be my first Wedding Anniversary without him, even writing this down is making me cry. It would have been our 44th one this year, i think i may just take myself off somewhere. The next thing after that will be Christmas. Does anyone have advice on this? Do i take myself away on my own or do i spend it with family and put on a happy face, even though i know i will be drowning inside? I agree with so called  friends don't even bother to drop a text just to check in would be good, i suppose it's out of sight out of mind. Take care.

Hi Flamingo 21

My husband also died on a Monday almost a year ago and also my Dad on a Monday this June. 

It will be October 3rd,

As you say time is weird, seems like yesterday but also so long ago, but one year is nothing compared to the life time, well 32 years together. I have managed Xmas, was with family, birthday was OK as we didn't make a big fuss, wedding was also quite recent, but the anniversary of his passing seems another level.

Like making you face reality head on. I always try to keep busy and am working. Any quiet solitary time is so painful and part of reflection and the grieving process. It happened this time to us, not some stranger on TV. 

So far I have the day off, on Oct 3rd to be quiet and alone. I also have the ashes at home.  

It's so unfair and final isn't it?  All the things you might have done differently, but just no option now.

I guess we all face these awful milestones in a way we think might help us. I am going to think about it this weekend.

These websites give support, always someone there who has been through the same.

Sending my best wishes to you all.

Heather xx