Just a quick email to see how everyone on this forum is doing?? Seems not have been much activity here and I usually alternate between this forum and the Bowel Cancer one. Can't believe it is one whole month since I had my dear husband Jay's funeral and a full 8 weeks since he passed feels much longer than that. Still have my good and bad days well more bad at the minute just trying my best to get on with each day best I can. Things happened that I've wanted to tell him about and things maybe going to happen that I can't share with him they say they see you `in spirit` but it's just not the same. I miss the banter between us and the wind-ups we used to do to one another and he made me laugh which is something I've not been able to do much of lately. I just go through each day on autopilot and just feel sometimes I'm walking through a fog not actually knowing where or why I am going somewhere or how to be. Got his ashes back and have decided to keep some of them at home. I used to think that was quite creepy or morbid for someone to do but now I do get it, it does give a little bit of comfort and its as if a piece of the person is still with you. I will be scattering the rest in Argyll where we have a static caravan but unfortunately I will need to let that go. Our van was on an owners only site and there was not letting policy so It's an expense with ground fees, water and electric and gas bills I couldn't manage on my own. We haven't been able to be there at all this year because Jay was so ill. It'll be heartbreaking for me to let it go because the setting where it is, is just paradise and he loved it there. I'll have my memories to take away from the place though. I just feel it would be too painful for me to be there without him as it was for both of us to enjoy- a wee bolthole for our retirement we could go to when we liked. I just hope the rest of you are bearing up well on here and hope to see more posts and we can get conversations flowing again. Take Care All
xx
