life

Bless You Flamingo21

I am in the same position. Lost my husband to recurrant bowel cancer on the 23rd June and had his funeral on the 14th July. We were together for 40 years. Yes you are right it is scary to be living on your own. I was on my own a lot though when he was here, because his work meant that he had to be away from home a lot so I was used to being on my own but always knew he would be home a few nights later. This time however, it is very different and I know he is never coming home. The worst for me is in the mornings when I wake up and know he is not here now and I just wonder why I should get up what am I getting up for?? but I do anyway even if I don't want to I still get up and get dressed.  I just feel I am walking through a fog at the minute and just feel so lost and empty just going through the motions of each day as if I don't know where I am going or what to do. He was my best friend and soulmate just like you and your husband and yes it does feel as though half yourself has gone. I too have lost parents as did my my husband and his brother in previous years but I think when it is your life partner it is so so different. I have a son who lives with his partner and their little girl and I also have an older sister who has learning difficulties and mental health issues so she relies on me for certain things. She comes to me and stays over a few nights with me and then goes back to her own place. She lives in sheltered accomodation but can be independent herself, to an extent. She is company for me if nothing else. It wasn't always `moonlight and roses` with us and like most couples and had our arguments and disagreements but they always got resolved and then we used to wonder what we argued about in the first place which usually would be something trivial He only got 4 years out of his retirement before his ill health hit him hard Fifty years of work with hardly a sick day or visit to the GP or hospital retires and it's like it became an every day occurance firstly with being diagnosed as type 2 diabetic which we worked on and then covid happened and at the end of 2020 his bowel cancer symptoms surfaced which got cleared in January 2022 but came back in May 2022 five months later and decided it was taking him this time that along with several bouts of sepsis. I just hope as the months go on things will get better they say `time is a great healer` just hope it's true. My best wishes to you and everyone else in this horrible situation.

xx