What does one do about the blood sucking sense of loneliness when the last thing you want is to be social? It's overwhelming and the sense of why bother? You have no one to 'bother' with, to plan a future, to dream of what's yet to come on the shared path?
Your children can only do so much and they don't fully get it. They have partners on to who's shoulders they can weep and rage. But for the partner left behind, there's the motions, but nothing behind then. You merely done the mask of normality and go through them. You pray the next person's not going to say "I was sorry to hear....". You know each time it's a poke at the festering wound and a stable of fresh pain.
But it's the loneliness in the bed you shared, the life you shared, at 2 a.m at 8 a.m at dusk and at any time. How do you cope when all you want to do is curse the world and the 'normals' who have not been forced to travel the path you have...
How?
He'd be so proud of you
